April 30, 2011

Question 4

Why do I like {running away from my problems} more than I like {facing them}?
I contemplated doing away with this blog series because the questions were becoming difficult to answer. This is just a prime example of one of my personal characteristics, and the subject of this post-- running away from difficult situations.
I guess to answer the question:
  1. I am not a fan of confrontation. Then again, who really is (unless they're drama seekers)?
  2. I hate making decisions. Especially the hard ones. I don't even like deciding what to have for lunch on most days.
  3. Lack of proper communication skills. I often trip up on ways to communicate my general disdain for something.
  4. Fear... of failure, I guess.
To be completely forthright, in no way am I a wimp or a pushover. I have gone through way too much in my life to let that define me again. Lately, I have found that I get angry in problematic situations. This kind and meek young lady can surely be rude and poignant enough in speech to hurt someone. It is not something I am proud of, but it happens... and mostly, to the ones I love. I think anger has now become my solution to some of the problems I face. Not so much in every single problematic situation of my life (I would need to check into some kind of therapy if that were the case), but in those situations where I don't know how else to react.
Thankfully, I don't get violent, but I completely and utterly understand first hand that words can sting to the depths of your being and leave a scar for a lifetime. Before I started this trend of blowing up at my loved ones, I kept quiet about everything. Anything that bothered me was kept to myself. I don't recommend anyone doing this, as it is extremely self-destructing. Thinking about it now, I can surely say that this might be the start of my issue. Instead of defending myself in certain situations, I would just sit back and let whatever was said, be said. Once that phase passed and I got a little older and probably at my breaking point, I exploded. Anything said to me that was seen as problematic from my point of view received a quick, but thorough retort. As my beau says, I am a "ticking time bomb". From my younger years until now, there was no real middle point for me. I went from one extreme (meek, quiet, docile, etc.) to the next (angry, abrupt, etc) with maybe a slight glance at an in-between (calm, thoughtful problem solver).

I guess problem solving is a skill I will have to learn. I'm sure it's not too late.
~ No one person is perfect. This post was more of a self-realization medium for me. It has shed light on some things I need to work on in life, which is the point of the article in which this concept is taken from. I am still very much a work in progress. This blog is my outlet. ~

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