April 20, 2011

Stuck!


[Photo taken circa 2007]


I wrote this post a few days ago, and after writing it, I not only felt relieved from all emotions taking over my life, but I also felt that it was too private to post for everyone to read. Today, I'm thinking...Así es la vida or... C'est la vie.

My smile is slowly fading.

I feel like I am stuck in a bubble. This metaphorical bubble is my apartment. Counting the 4 hours that I may spend in my laboratory class on Thursdays, the 2 hours of church on Sundays, and the 2 hours of Bible study on Tuesday evenings, I only spend on average, 8 hours total out of my apartment. Eight hours of the 168 hours in a week! That is 95% of my week. It's pretty sad if you ask me... but it just all goes back to how much I haven't adjusted to living here at all.

Yes, I have found acquaintances from my neuro class last semester to hang out with on occasion. Yes, I have also found so much love at my new church home, but it's not enough. I think I'm leading an unhealthy lifestyle. This is the kind of experience that drives someone mad.

I no longer want to get lost in boring, repetitive and uneventful weeks. I think I have used my apartment as a hiding place for too long now (7 months, to be exact). As the semester winds down and I think on some things, I realize that I may be my own worst enemy, threat, or any other synonym you would like to throw in there. Yea, it's hard to make friends in a program where over 50% of the students have full time jobs and families of their own, but I have found some good people. I am just too stuck in my old ways to want to hang out with them often, or do fun things. I blame my lack of inactivity on money restrictions and having no true friends here to do anything with, but truth is, maybe if I had gone out more (to the library, or a park, or something) I could be a little happier.

Luckily, there are only 3.5 weeks left in the semester. In due time, I will get to go home and interact like a normal civilian. I will also take some time to think about how I can improve my overall quality of life for the last year of my Master's program.


"The secret of happiness is freedom and the secret of freedom is courage."
~Thucydides~

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