March 21, 2016

Spring Break

Magnolia Tree at Night

I am taking a week off from work. It's a spring break of sorts. I have never really taken more than a couple days off in the past because I was working part-time, so I was saving my vacation time for my anniversary in November. Now that I am full-time, I have more time to take a well needed break. 

I don't have anything planned for the week really. I am just taking some time off to relax and regroup. I plan to get some reading done -- get my brain cells working on something other than just greeting customers and counting cash for a change.  I want to clear my head. I have endured quite a bit of disappointment the last few months, and I just need time to process it all.

Sometimes I feel like I was not made for this life. Life is hard and I currently feel like I am not strong enough for it. There are too many moments of discouragement... Too many failures. Simple tasks are daunting. I feel broken when something doesn't work-- and with reason too! I have endured way too much for one person. I am merely hanging on by a thread.

You know those people who are strong-willed? Seemingly nothing breaks them. I'm not like that at all. I want to be 

March 3, 2016

Living In The Present

Do not look back and grieve over the past...

"Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering."

I've realized something recently -- that no matter how hard life gets and no matter how miserable it may seem at times, it gets better. I have spent the last four years hoping and wishing for so many things: my 'dream' job, comfort, joy-- that I almost missed the point and the process. Life is a journey. That means that we don't drive one full distance and some how land at our destinations. There are bumps in the road, and people who cut you off, and periods of rest, and even times when you roll the window down and sing at the top of your lungs in complete bliss.  It is not one straight, boring drive. So, sometimes when life seems rough, take time to regroup and find the good in the journey.

When taking stock of the last four years,  I see how much I have grown. I realize that those hard times passed. They passed! I am glad that I waited out those days and nights when I thought I could not go on any longer. I am glad that I did ride out the storm. Most of all, I am glad for days like today, when I can remember that all is well; I am still alive. And I can put this memory in my pocket for later down the road when life seems hard again. I can look back and say "Remember how you've made it through before? Hang on... smooth sailing/driving is ahead." 

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