March 9, 2012

This Face

 You know how people sometimes have this inspiring life-story to tell? How they went from being like some happy kid, to going into a fast uncontrollable downward spiral of deep emotional despair and then somehow managed to overcome it all to tell you and I about it?
I feel like that will be me one day... Like it should be me.

I wrote the above post on Sunday, March 4, 2012 with no intentions of posting it. I just wanted an outlet to express how I was feeling at that moment. I was feeling a bit out of it. I couldn't quite pinpoint the exact emotion I felt at the moment, but I knew it wasn't good. The week took a turn for the worst from then on. I felt sad, empty, with a need to cry, but I wasn't sure why. I didn't feel overwhelmed with life and school as I did the week before, I just felt disconnected from the world.

I still did schoolwork, read blogs, watched youtube videos and things like that, but apart from doing those things, when all was still and quiet, I burst into tears for no apparent reason. I didn't feel like being in class, I did not want to be around people in general, and I was excused from my work study early on Tuesday because I had tears pouring from my eyes, but still proclaimed that I was "okay... no, really. I'm fine".

As the week went on, I felt a little better, but I still had/have an underlying sadness. I have always been pretty moody and melancholy to say the least, but I haven't felt like this in a long while... and I would hate to go back to those times where I did feel pretty depressed and burdened with sadness.

I hope I am able to shake this thing off soon, because life is still going on around me.... And honestly, I'm getting pretty tired of waking up and going to bed with this face.

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