lately... in photos

// Beau leading the teen class at Vacation Bible School 


// Family breakfast

 
//  My brother-in-love's wedding reception - very small, very intimate. Loved it! 


// Beau's birthday dinner

  
//   Classic Car Fridays in Havertown. Every other Friday during the summer months, a group of classic car enthusiasts gather in the parking lot of a shopping plaza to chat.

 
//   Banquets and disgruntled waiters.


// Franklin Fountain... old fashioned ice cream spot in Old City Philadelphia. SO good!

 
// hanging out with my younger self reincarnate. Rekindled my childhood love of roller skating. 

Thoughts

+ I am not immune to disappointment and distress. My life is not perfect. I am willing to share the good times AND the bad, because isn't that what our lives are composed of?

+ I have been thinking lately, that there is a part of us all that wants what another person may have. But in the same respect, that coveted person may also be lacking in an area of your own fullness. For example, you may have been seeking employment for an extended period of time, and your dearest friend has always been able to land the job, and even has the confidence and security to leave one for another. Or, you are happily married and fulfilled in that sense, but a friend may be in a position where they have been seeking relationship and marriage for the longest time, but to no avail. I guess this is how life works.

Lately: Wants

photo via here

Lately, I've been finding myself extremely frustrated with a lot of things. I have mainly been frustrated with situations and circumstances which ultimately is a result of hoping things were different. As time continued to progress, my frustrations have increased, however, I became less aware of what it was that I am frustrated with and more caught up in the fact that I was just  plain miserable. I have then decided to take some time to pin-point and evaluate these frustrations. What is it that and I want, and why I am frustrated that I do not have them. I constructed a list and this is what I have come up with... I want/would like to:

• Begin my career
• it would be nice to invited to an interview for a position and either be offered a position on the spot or even get a phone call that they are offering me a position. That is something I have yet to experience. I love medicine. I enjoy science. I would love to start my career in this field and have joy in teaching others, training others, or even gaining ore knowledge in this field as I go along. 
• Completely furnish and decorate our home.
• after two years of marriage, we finally have a sofa in the living room. One that we paid off on our own and there is no debt behind it. Of this, I am exceptionally thankful and happy about, but I wish we could have every bit of this place furnished and decorated.
• Start a family.
• I don't know, but something about getting married instantly had my heart set on raising children and having a family of our own. It hurts that my husband shies away from 'baby talk', and the longer we go on in our marriage without even as much as a tentative date as to when we will start trying for kids, the more hopeless I become... the more sad and wanting I am when I see other families, other pregnant women. I become bitter and think that it will never happen for us, because right now, my husband says he's not ready. And quite frankly, I guess we're not. 
• Travel.
• I want to take the train across the the U.S. To see the mountains in the midwest, the trees and the waterfall trails in the Pacific Northwest. I want to see my feet standing in clear blue waters in the Caribbean, and walk through soggy fields in Ireland. I want money (or lack thereof) to not be the sole deterrent from going to these places. 
• To be happy. Content. Joyous
• That wanting something (these things specifically) doesn't make me ungrateful or needy in the eyes of others. That people would not look at me and say cliche Christian things like "Well, if it is a part of God's plan for your life, then..." I just want to express what I've had bottled up within me for some time now and just have not had the time to sit down and think about why I have been in such a crappy mood lately. Also to think about what I would really like to accomplish in life.

In the end, I have what I need at the moment and that is enough. It suffices. I am sure that many of my wants will be fulfilled in the not too distant future. 

Life, Lately

Hello! It's been a while. Where have I been?....Here. It is not so much that I don't have time to blog why I haven't blogged. It is just that sometimes I feel like I have absolutely nothing to blog about. Life has gotten pretty mundane and repetitive: work every day except Sunday. Church in between and barely having any time to relax #Iguessthisisgrowingup. Beau often tells me that I need to have a "Jhan Day". To that I responded, "when?" Honestly though, it would be nice to just take time to let my body and brain recharge. I often get home from work and feel like my body is still wired from the day-- the hustle and bustle of waiting on customers and singing (mindlessly) along in my head to the loop of top 20 songs on the radio station. We seriously need Pandora, or something, because variety. {end rant}

As you can gather, nothing really new and interesting has been happening on my end. But here are some things I would like to share.

Anniversary. Beau and I celebrated our two year anniversary on November 24. We took a (9 hour, turned 14 hour) road trip to Myrtle Beach, just for the sake of going someplace warmer than it was here in Philly. It wasn't much warmer than it was back home and it rained every day we were there, but it was good nonetheless. Beau and I were able to spend some well needed one-on-one time with each other. We talked. Laughed. Listened. Discussed our goals for the year ahead. I cannot express how great it was just to get away and clear our heads for a bit. It was also really nice to be right on the beach. We also stopped in North Carolina on the way to- and from- South Carolina to visit Beau's brother whom he hasn't seen since our wedding. I know he truly appreciated the opportunity to spend time with his brother. On our last day in SC, we drove down to Charleston to visit some friends. That was also a great time. We didn't spend much time in the city, but from what we saw, Charleston seemed like a lovely place to live. We also saw dolphins! ... and the sun finally greeted us for a couple hours before our departure.

Hair. A couple months ago, I decided to do something different with my hair. I got partial highlights in auburn. It took some getting used to; not just with how it changes my physical appearance, but also in (re)determining what color clothing best complements my hair and and complexion. Overall, I love the new look and I am considering highlighting the rest of my hair.

Photography. Very last minute, someone asked me to photograph her sister's wedding. Knowing that I have no experience in wedding photography at all, I freaked out a little bit. But also from my personal experience of abhorring my wedding photos, but the thought of not having wedding photos at all would be much worse, I decided to accept. It was a small get together and a pretty relaxed setting, so that allowed me to not be too nervous. I took multiple shots, in order to not miss a special moment, and after editing the photos, I realized they weren't half bad. There are definitely things I need to work on such as composition and directing clients, but I will say that it was not bad for my first go at it. I don't see myself making this into a side-gig or even a full-time thing, but if the opportunity comes to capture someone's special event, I will accept, as I do understand they importance of capturing moments and having the snapshots to look back on. That is something I lack. Maybe I will touch on this more in another blog post on my interest in photography.

To sum up, I am alive. By the grace of God, I am well-- and I sure do miss this space. Hopefully I will be more present in the time to come and continue sharing bits of my story on here. I am so grateful for my own little space on blogger. Looking back on my first posts, I can see the growth and maturity. I hope to continue growing and documenting it here along the way.  Coming up,  I will be sharing some photos from our trip to South Carolina.

Life Lately: Between a Rock & a Hard Place

So, this month has been pretty busy and I haven't had much time to sit down and write for this blog. But I could not let the month pass without submitting at least one post, so here goes...

▲ July was a very eventful month. It included my mom and Beau's birthdays, a well-needed staycation from work, a wedding, and a kayaking day trip. It was a month of renewed friendship and increased joy between Beau and I. 

▲ Most of our activities occurred during the week of my staycation and it. was. lovely. The week off from work was well needed, as I have been working there for 8 months now and haven't taken any time off. Also, the company that I work for has rolled out a new system that claims to make work 'more efficient', but has only caused more stress on our end. I mean serious hair-pulling, weight-losing stress! I pull through, though. Knowing that it's only for a couple of hours every day and when I leave to go home, I am able to take a break from it all. 

▲ I submitted my 500th job application not too long ago and it really got me thinking: What am I REALLY doing wrong?! 500 applications submitted since March 2012 (2 months before completing graduate school)! What is really going on?! I started thinking that the academic and professionall skills that I have gained two years ago are kind of stale now (especially since I am not using them in my current position) and this huge gap makes me more and more unmarketable by the day. This led me to consider continuing my studies -- either a doctorate or a certificate degree program. Fun fact: I applied for a 12-week certificate program in Ireland in early April and got accepted not long after. I was elated because for the first time in a long time, I was not rejected for something I went after. I discussed it with Beau and he was willing to part-ways with me for the 3 months if it meant increasing my chances of employment in my field. I also sought opinion from other trusted individuals and they all said go for it as the benefits outweighed the risks. Days later after applying for a small loan, I was rejected... Once more, something I pursued wholeheartedly was shot down. Disappointed and discouraged don't even begin to explain how I felt. I literally feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place with this thing. I just don't understand it. Why me? Why am I stuck here? What is really going on?! But I continue pushing with the hopes that one day, it will all work out. 

▲ After facing that last rejection, I really started to question my life and my purpose here on this earth because I literally feel like a waste of breath and life: unable to accomplish anything. Stuck and useless.. I remembered listening to an interview with Misty Edwards where she spoke about her battle with illness and her struggle in determining the purpose of life. She wrote a book all about her findings called "What Is the Point?: Discovering Life's Deeper Meaning and Purpose". It is an easy read and has been helping me thus far. We spend so much of our lives focused on obtaining this great thing, but as Misty Edwards wrote

"Everything in life is on a quick fade... Men love you one minute and ridicule you the next. One year you're cool, and the next you're outdated and old. One season you are successful, and the next you are a failure. This is true in finances, relationships, ministry, impact influence... We cannot anchor our desire for meaning in these things, because it would be like chasing the wind..."

Boy, did I need that reminder! I feel a little better now knowing this, but I still feel unsuccessful at times. I am currently praying for strength and added faith.  

Life, Lately

It's been over a month since my last post! So here goes with an update...  I have certainly been busy, but not too busy that I don't have time to sit down and relax sometimes. Nothing new really happening, just rolling with the punches and accepting and living life as time passes by. Here's what I've been up to lately:

Work has been okay. It's not my favorite thing in the world, but there are days that I really love. My coworkers are okay for the most part and some of the regular customers are great. There is always someone there to put a smile on my face, and I have also been told that I put smile on other people's faces as well, so that is definitely a plus.

Wishing for a mild summer. I know that after this hectic winter we've just had, most people are looking forward to a hot summer. I am not. I hope for something mild. 70 to 85 degrees the most.

Watching period dramas. I've become obsessed with BBC's drama, Call the Midwife. It is set in East London in the 1950s. As you can imagine, you see a lot of screaming mothers and babies being born. But aside from that, you also see great characters, like the nun who loves eating cake and also seems to have a bit of dementia and Chummy, who is a giant with a heart of gold.  The show comes on PBS right before Mr. Selfridge (which I also love). I found out about it a couple days before season 2 of Selfridge was to begin and got through the first 2 seasons on Netflix in less than a week. Yea. It's that good!... to me at least.

Reading The Antelope in the Living Room. I saw this book in someone's instagram photo and looked it up immediately. What stuck out to me the most was that it was a book about marriage, written by a blogger who's Christian (Big Mama's her name). I'm at the stage in my marriage where I welcome almost anything that can give me a somewhat realistic view of marriage. So far, so good. I find comfort in knowing that some of the things Beau does and some of the feelings I have are perfectly normal.

Life. I am going to be honest and admit that I often go through bouts of frustration and depression. I understand that after some time, life pulls you into a routine that can easily wear you out and bring you down. My routine is pretty draining because the majority of it involves doing work that I don't particularly enjoy doing. I hate pushing offering credit cards on people, and I just really dislike banking. But over time, I've learned to take what life has offered me and just go with it-- Do my job to the best of my abilities with little to no complaints, and continue striving for a means to start my career. I still wonder if there is something I'm doing wrong why I seem to be stuck here in this waiting place, but in the mean time, I try to do what's required of me the best that I can and I try to evaluate everything that I do and go about completing each task with a good attitude. Because honestly, I don't want to be in this place, but I'm here. So while I am here, I will make the best of it until I am able to move on to something greater.

Life, Lately

Hello dearest readers. It has been so long since I've submitted a proper blog post. A lot has been going on in my little life lately, and yet, it actually hasn't been much-- just much of the same. Here's a synopsis:

Work. Although part-time, I've been working a lot lately.Tiredness comes upon me very easily these days, and I can honestly say I now know how Beau feels when he says he's tired.  I don't think I've actually stated what this part time position is-- it's in banking. A bank teller to be exact. A far cry from my love of all things science and medicine, but it's been interesting. I never knew I would love interacting with people so much. Working here was helped me to get over the fear and anxiety I feel around people I don't know. It has allowed me to speak up (loud) and with authority. It has also enabled me to help pay some of our expenses. There are some things that I dislike about it, but overall, it's good. We are still so very grateful for it.

Home. After DIYing our Autumn wreath a few months ago, I've been obsessed with creating more looks for each season. Beau got me another twig wreath and I can't wait to gather inspiration and design something lovely for the upcoming Spring and Summer months. I'm thinking pretty ribbons and bright flowers... I'm so excited! I am also excited about finally being able to furnish our home-- primarily the main living space. I have fallen in love with all things West Elm, Wayfair and World Market so I am almost certain most of our things (especially the wooden furniture) will come from there.

Happenings. My birthday was lovely. Beau was sweet and planned a tiny surprises throughout the day like making breakfast before heading to work, cooking up dinner and sharing delicious cupcakes with me. He also gifted me a fancy DSLR camera, of which I am so thankful for as it is something I've wanted for a while. I know this kind of gift was something way out of our budget, so I truly appreciate his sacrifice.

I seemingly caught a severe case of baby fever. So much so, that my eyes well up with tears when someone excitedly mentions that they're having a baby (as a customer did last week). This occurrence is as sad as it is strange. I don't know why I feel this way. I've had a talk with the hubs about it and just having children in general and we've both come to the conclusion that we're not ready (i.e. There is still more growing that we need to do individually and as a couple. And really, we don't have the finances to support a kid right now), but the yearning is still there. Oh, and it. is. fierce.

Marriage. After one year of marriage... We are considering seeking counsel and are honestly not ashamed of it. Nothing is seriously wrong for the most part, but we are often reminded that we have absolutely no clue what we're doing as married folk sometimes, and we could really use some guidance from someone who has been married for a while. I see this being a tremendous help and very beneficial for the health and growth of our marriage.

Blogging. Lastly, it's obvious that my posts have been infrequent the last couple months. I sometimes contemplate whether I want to continue blogging. The answer is gathered within a few seconds of that thought with a resounding "YES!". I've also contemplated continuing blogging, but making it private. Like, really private. Like, for my eyes only private, but there's no fun in that. So, I've decided to continue. I love this outlet so much. I love sharing-- the good and the bad. I love the honesty. I love the connections. But most of all, I love realizing the growth. So, I'll be around for a little while longer. As I move from student, to (job-seeking) housewife to employee, I hope to keep up with the posts. If nothing at all, I'll try to blog with intent and hope you'll stick around.

I sincerely pray you are all doing well and are in good health. ♥

This & That

images via

Ever had one of those times where you regret not making a purchase? I am currently kicking myself for not getting a pair of shoes I saw a few weeks back. They were tan open-toed clog-like shoes and I loved them. They were super comfortable, and they weren't even my size! 'Why didn't you get them?', you might be wondering. Well, because I initially went to the store for nude pumps for church, and when it came down to it, I went with what was practical. Now all I have left to remember those lovely shoes by is a blurry cell-phone pic. I can't even find them online... Almost makes me think it was just a dream.

Speaking of shoes, I won a giftcard from DSW again. That makes like, win number 5 or 6? I'm not even sure. I've lost count. Not all wins were gift cards, however-- one was a handbag, and two were brand sponsored giveaways, so we had to choose shoes from those specific brands. Since one of the requirements when you win is to post a status on Facebook (or retweet on Twitter), my friends and family are all like -- "omgsh! how do you keep winning these??!!"
and I just smile and say-- "speed and a bit of luck, I suppose'.
As if I actually believe in luck. My response is true, though.

I recently rediscovered one of the gifts I received at my bridal shower. I had it buried in a drawer somewhere. It was a bath and body set that actually came with a plug-in diffuser. I plugged that bad boy in and I am in love. It has a strong smell, but it's very pleasant (better than a Glade plug-in, in my opinion). I plan on investing in more of these.

Being a newlywed comes with its share of miscommunication--or lack thereof. But what about those times when you really just don't understand each other? Beau's lingo is a myriad of slang (stems back to his MC/emcee-ing days and continual love for hip-hop, I suppose). So I sometimes have my share of misunderstanding whenever he speaks. One night, we had a long discussion on if the other person said whole stir or holster. They sound pretty similar-- homophonous-- but are clearly different words. Add to that the fact that my short-term memory is pretty basic and I honestly didn't remember: (1) which word I used and (2) how I had used either word in the sentence previously spoken. Needless to say, that conversation went no where.

I don't have a tumblr account, but I love the concept. There are 2 tumblr accounts that I frequent because of content. Check them out:
(1) My Revelment -- I have been following this blog for over a year now and I like the beautiful landscape images,  typography, and the overall simplicity of it.
(2) Life is Beautiful -- This one is my absolute favorite! The images are so stunning and the layout is very aesthetically pleasing. The blogger is Christian and she not only shows it through the beautiful posts, but also in the way that she responds to many of the questions she gets.
** Bonus** The Murmuring Cottage -- makes you feel like you're living in the countryside, like Anne of Green Gables, or something.

Lately

Lately, I have been:

Keeping Busy. In the past few weeks, I have been trying to remain busy. I started volunteering with an Inner-city program that teaches kids the Bible through theater arts. It has been pretty good so far. The couple that runs the organization are very sweet. The kids are also equally sweet and funny. I also volunteered at a nursing home where we played BINGO and helped transport the residents to various activities.  All of these opportunities have been lovely and refreshing. I volunteer with four younger girls from my church. We are all apart of a group called Daughters of Destiny. I was recruited to this group not of my own will, but of the interest of the person who birthed the group. I was a bit apprehensive to be a part of this group initially because I felt like I just didn't belong. Firstly, because the other 4 girls are younger than me. Second, the group was established rather recently and it just seemed a bit all over the place and I prefer organization over frenzy. Lastly, I just felt as though I didn't belong. Although the girls are younger than me, they have all been on fire for God all while I feel as though I am in the most secluded waiting place... I am at a crossroads of sorts in discovering the plan God has for my life. But lately, I have received a sort of confirmation that I belong in this group. There is something about the sisterhood that is there. I am the youngest of 3 (2 other sisters) and so I feel as though I get to be a big sister to these girls. They have also blessed me with their lives. Need prayer? They are there to embrace you and pray with such power. I was at my weakest point when I joined the group and they have given me so much strength just through their passion for Christ alone. It is extremely uplifting. 

Trying a new recipe. I am not big on burgers, but I have been dying to try salmon burgers for some time now. I finally tried it and was in love. I used fresh salmon fillets, cubed it, mushed it up a bit, added a ton of seasonings, spices, and dill-- cooked it up and served it with sweet potato fries. It was so delicious! And beau loved it too. I guess you can say that was my first ever Pinterest recipe.

Featured on a blog. This little bloggie of mine has a very small following. Actually, I wouldn't say it has a following at all because based on blog statistics, the majority of the views are from random google searches. However, 2 weeks ago, I got a scare of a lifetime when my blog views more than decupled in one day's time. I thought, oh my goodness. I'm on one of those awful blogger trash-talking sites. I soon realized that I was featured on a blog that I submitted an entry to. I've mentioned only a few times on this blog that I am trying to grow my hair long and healthy again. I have finally been able to do so and decided to share  "My Hair Story" on Just Grow Already, and that is where all the blog hits came from. I am glad I figured it out because it was truly quite a scare. I know that with blogging, you literally place yourself in the public eye especially when you share more than just  pretty photos and generic words. But, I like sharing a little bit more because I know that there is someone out there who can relate and who may find comfort in knowing that they are not the only one facing trials AND that they will make it through. People are emotional beings. We thrive on relationship and being able to relate. I will continue to share those kinds of private-ish posts publicly, but I am only okay sharing it with just a handful of people... 400+ readers? not so much.

 

Working through life. I discovered an amazing artist (Laura Story) recently when I stumbled upon her song, Blessings (click to listen). The lyrics of this song were so profound and hit me so hard. It spoke to my current situation and really made me think: what if? The lyrics read:

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst

This world can't satisfy?

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise?

The artist shared the story behind this song here, and what stood out to me the most was that after all that she had gone through, she decided to ask herself "whether we are going to choose to interpret our circumstances based on what we hold to be true about God, or whether we're going to judge what we hold to be true about God based on our circumstances (reference James 1:2-3)".... Such a profound statement/question that has completely changed my perspective on some things in my life.

What have you been up to lately? 

On My Mind || Lately

 

 - Lately, I've been on my usual roller-coaster ride of emotions. They are such silly things at times, emotions. I think I am little more stir crazy than usual. I am tired of being at home. Tired of doing nothing. Tired of wishing I could help more. Tired of loan collectors calling me (if I can be real for a moment). Tired of wishing for my dream job offer to finally come. Tired of everyone's two-cents -- no matter how much they see it as 'helping'. Tired, tired, tired! But I guess it's just not my time to get a job yet. What's a girl to do? Continue to trust in God, I suppose.

- School is finally out! Yesterday was their last day and I think I may be happier than the kids themselves. There's a middle school right at the end of the block and at a specific time of the morning, traffic on our street picks up, and the constant drone of children's voices as they walk to school wakes me up. Here's to sleeping a little bit longer in the mornings!

 

 - Speaking of schools... I've been dreaming a lot about schools and attending school lately. Although going back to school is the last thing on my mind, these dreams might be telling me something. I am really ready to get on with my career, though.

- Temperatures are mild right now. I wish they could stay this way all summer long. But then I suppose it wouldn't really be summer in the Northeast if it were so. I at least hope that these temperatures will last a little while longer.

 

- I managed to get all of my college science books (and yearbooks) back in my possession and it was no easy feat. I also picked up my board games and my "special box" I've had since childhood. What started out as just a simple shoe box, houses special occasion cards, old report cards, Playbills, notes, arts&crafts, photos, etc.... basically a lot of paper junk, but it's so precious to me.

- Lastly, I can't believe we'll be entering into the 2nd half of the year in a matter of days. Where has the time gone?

A Little Bit of This and That

**just a few photos from life lately**

1. Clear, blue skies hanging around downtown. Just because. 

2. I won Free Shoes Friday via DSW on Twitter again. Time to treat myself to new shoes! 

3. Still building my way up to running long-distance. It hurts like crazy, but I'm learning to push through the pain. 

4. LaNeshe and I at the Philly Natural Hair Show. This is my first time ever meeting a blogger in person, so it was lovely. 

5. Cupcakes are the key to my heart, and Beau knows it. This was a lemon cupcake with lavender frosting and honey drizzle-- delish!

6. We have a GREEN lawn mower!! Green! (my favorite color). We have a neighbor who mows everyones lawn every two weeks for a small fee, but since Beau is a first-time home owner, he wanted to mow his own lawn. 

 7. Us. Smiles. Hugs. Love. 

8. I love BIG earrings. I got these afro earrings from Toni Daley and I love them. They made such a huge statement at the Natural Hair Show. People staring at me makes me all types of uncomfortable, but after a while, I realized they were looking at my earrings, and not me. haha.

 9. I had an interview recently at a place that has really high hiring standards and are basically really hard to get into. I am exercising the utmost faith right now and praying that I get the position.

Life Lately

Married Life.

Marriage is great. Although it doesn't out-right feel like it, there is still an adjustment taking place. We are still learning each other and trying to communicate effectively. All of that may take some time, but it’s all good. I am still learning from Beau. Some of the same lessons are being thrown at me over and over again, but it’s just that we think differently. I am a worry-wart. He’s the calm one. I am almost always reminded of this. One day it will stick.

Gym.

I got a gym membership. In a way, I felt guilty for wanting it because beau has so much on his plate financially. But the home bodyweight exercises (via BodyRockTV and AmandaRussell) were not working for me anymore. I kept losing motivation -- especially when it got hard. And it was hard for me to keep up. I have been pretty diligent with the gym since the membership was confirmed. I would feel awful if I let our money go to waste, especially since we could really use every bit we have. I started doing the Run5k program -- for the umpteenth time and I've finally made it to week 2! I’m not really trying to run a real 5k, I am just trying to have a healthy heart and work towards something that I have never been able to do before. I hope I am able to stick with it. I used to fear running on the treadmill, but it’s not half bad.

Meal Plans.

I tried creating a meal plan this week, and I love it. This week we can forgo this dialogue beau and I have constantly :

Me: I don’t know what to make for dinner tomorrow. Any suggestions?

Beau: No. Whatever you make, I’m sure it will be good.

That is never the response I want, but it is always the one I get. Here’s to having none of that this week, or ever if I continue with making meal plans!

Photographs.

I have been more and more unimpressed with my photographs lately. Not that they were ever like photojournalistic quality-- or ever will be-- but they’re just so lackluster. I have a wonderful wishlist of fancy DSLRs I would like to have… one day.

Job Hunting.

Same ol’.  Same ol’. As I approach the one year mark of graduating with my Master’s degree, I have a mix of emotions concerning this whole unemployment bit I had to face. It’s bittersweet. I am currently allowing it to be sweet because I’m sure that once I begin working full-time, I will be begging for a day, or month off. I also try not to worry, because I know it will come just like it did for Syd. I too felt like all the jobs I have applied for were being karate-blocked (no, seriously-- that is the perfect description), but I have faith.

The Weekend.

We don’t have any set-in-stone plans for the weekend. There will be a street fair on Broad Street on Saturday, and it’s also the weekend for Penn Relays. Penn Relays is something I have always wanted to experience. Track & field is something Jamaicans excel at, and our people are always out at Penn Relays in good numbers, but I don’t think this will be my year to attend. We may keep it low-key this weekend and just rest.

Enjoy your weekend, everyone! 

Currently...

Listening to...

Darlene Zschech’s new worship album -- on repeat. I haven’t listened to much outside of Christian contemporary music in the past few months, so this is just a great addition to what I have been listening to .

Watching... 

The Amazing Race. This show has been my favorite for many years, but even more so now. I love getting involved with everyone’s personal story and choosing a team to root for. I also enjoy getting a glimpse of different nations around the world, and how the natives always find a way to laugh at the “silly Americans”.

Thinking about... 

My one year wedding anniversary -- which is 8 months away, btw. But I honestly can’t wait to make it to that beautiful milestone. While laying in bed Saturday morning, beau asked me if I had any desires for our first year anniversary. My answer was ‘no’, but secretly, I thought about it the day before, and I pretty much have my answer down-pact. We’ll hold off on giving an answer, though.

Looking forward to... 

Starting work (and you know, actually finding a job). I feel a little helpless sometimes with all the financial burdens that beau has to carry on his own. I would love to help and am sure that I will be able to in the near future. I am also looking forward to the 50-degree weather predicted to hit just in time for Easter!

Pinning... 
Home inspirations like crazy. I hope to write a post -- or several -- on our house decor once we get the ball rolling. Because right now, it's looking pretty sad. The walls and everything in between are kind of bare. 

Making me happy... 
Being happy. I shared about my sadness in previous posts. How things I faced in life brought me down and how many of those things were carried over into my marriage. Prayer changed all of that. I feel so much lighter now. Words can’t even describe it.

Enjoying... 
Reading blogs again. Between finishing school and all the craziness life threw at me, I fell off the blog-reading wagon for a while. I have since cleaned up my reader -- got rid of those blogs that no longer interests me, and bloggers that don’t seem to post anymore, found some new bloggers that relate to where I am now and where I want to be in the future, and now I’m on the ball again. I seriously love it.

Craving...
An activity outside of the house. I am thinking (always thinking and not doing ---> slacker) of building my way up to  some sort of long-distance starting from one lap around a park per day and working my way up. I would also like to take swimming lessons and maybe even try one of those crazy painting parties? Have any of you ever gone to one?

Lately

Lately (more like very recently):

I have decided to take a step back and take life one day at a time. Worrying is apparently my thing, and it's pretty self-destructive. After a well-needed sit-down with beau, he expressed some of his concerns/observations about me. Simply put, he stated that I worry too much about insignificant things: physical appearance, money, etc. That my worries are for naught since they don't have any real value in the grand scheme of life referencing Matthew 6:25-34. I'm really glad for him putting things into perspective for me. 

Project 365 is still a go for me. There is just a lack of photographic inspiration with my little point-and-shoot camera, lately. I have also decided to only share snippets of the 365 days (read: I don't want to clog this blog with too many photos of nothing).

I tried looking into tickets for a Bill Cosby show in our area (Beau loves him), but prices are ridiculous! Oh my goodness, Bill Cosby!

Things have just been generally quiet around here. Not much adventure. Not much of anything different, really. It would be nice to get away from mundanity, but for now, all is well.

P.S. We are STILL waiting for our wedding photos! That's unheard of in this day and age, right? (Seriously, I would like to know if this is normal or not).  

// photos via

A Few of My Favorite Things

 

 Tiny street in downtown Philadelphia lined with light-wrapped trees.

 Receiving a beautiful bouquet of flowers after beau had a long day at work. (You would think I had the long day. )

Adorning ourselves the tree with lights and ornaments in preparation for our first Christmas together as a married couple. (I was hoping that our tree would be too tall and cause a Dr. Seuss like effect, but it didn't quite do that wonky lean.)

Currently

Loving: That Fall is almost here. As the frequency of heat waves decreases and the nights become cooler and more comfortable, I look forward to the overall shift in weather patterns, the changes in leaves, and what is to come during the Fall months.
 
Thinking about: putting my wedding day dreams to pen and paper. Pinterest is good and all, but I think it's time to start planning my own impending wedding. Every once in a while, I get a little urge to do it, and then never get around to it. I think it's time (especially since it may occur not too long from now).

Reading: 1) Genesis in the Bible. Since I have so much time on my hands, I am able to read at a slow and constant rate, and fully take in all of the written words. ; 2) The Hunger Games. I know. I know. I'm kind of late. I started reading earlier in the year, but put if off to focus on school and didn't get back to it until now.

Craving: Sweet sweet ice cream, A fluffy cupcake, or a gooey chocolate chip cookie. I'll take either or all, please! I've been eating pretty healthy and exercising intermittently for the last few months (and whatever I want on date nights with the Beau) and dropped back down to the weight I was before I started grad school. Huzzah!. Therefore, I haven't had sweets since around this time. Anyone willing to offer any of the sweet treats listed above, I would accept it with gladness.

Making me happy: the thought of being that much closer to closing on a house. That's right! Beau and I found a cute little house with just about everything we wanted.

Working on: patience.The Lord is working on my life and I've finally given up trying to do everything on my own and placed it all God's hands. Now, I wait... I wait for the job, the stress-free life, and the means of planning and executing a wedding. (Exodus 14:13)

Lately

Lately, I've taken that walk down Kelly Drive, and discovered a snow goose among a sea of Canadian geese.

Eaten a gluttonous amount of ice cream in the name of charity and pediatric cancer research.

Posed with an organic dairy product superhero?

Did a little house hunting.

Cut my hair and have officially proclaimed myself to be a "curly girl"!

Lately

Lately, I have been extremely stressed and preoccupied with job-hunting, that I hardly take time to focus on or enjoy anything else.

I keep trying to convince myself that it's only been a short while since graduating, so not getting a job offer is okay. However, the more I try to convince myself of that, the more time keeps ticking and then it's clear that it's almost a month since graduating, 3 months since I began applying for jobs, 36 applications submitted, and nothing to show for it except 3 interviews. I am grateful, still. I am trying my hardest to calm down, enjoy the time off, and know that things will work out in the long run.

Being home is so-so. I sort of feel trapped with no school to attend at the end of summer, and nothing much to do during the days.  Beau works every day (just like any normal person), so I only get to see him on weekends, which makes it feel like we're still in a long distance relationship. Friends are all at different stages of their lives, and no one really has the time or desire to hang out/catch up. 'Welcome to the real world, Jhan!'

Essentially, everything is sucking right now (or so it seems in this head of mine). However, I am hopeful that this stagnancy won't last too long.... It. just. can not.

In any case, I try to keep myself busy. I hang out and catch up with loved ones while I can.

Since I've been neglecting my blog while being preoccupied with the worries of life post-graduation, I may start a blogging schedule. Not just for the upkeep of my blog, but also for the upkeep of the commitment I have made to being a supporting blogger for Love/Avon's Army of Women. Therefore, I will be posting breast cancer study-related posts at least twice a month. These posts will either be general AOW news or new studies that need volunteers/participants.

Thank you all for continuing to read Beyond My Smile, and thank you for your support throughout the last two years. 

ツ

Lately

1. I was never much of a fan of polishing my (finger) nails, but I am now! I am starting to find colors that complement my skin color, and that makes nail polishes fun again. 

2. Somedays, I have too much to do and so little time, that I just do take out for dinner. It truly takes some stress away.

3. Weather-wise, this week was beautiful. Campus was buzzing and there were so many people outside in the courtyard taking in the sun. I don't think I have ever seen this many people outside at one time since I started attending this school.... maybe I'm exaggerating. 

4. So, you know how I bragged about spending my spring break doing absolutely nothing... yea, well that caught up with me. I stayed up ALL night Thursday night trying to finish a lab report. No caffeine, just pure will-power kept me motivated. I have to say though, that once I finished watching the sun rise at around 7:30 am, I HAD to take a nap... and woke up 2 hours later to complete the assignment. I felt like a zombie all day. Lesson learned.

Untitled

{Image}

This might seem really strange (at least it is to me it is), but...

... Lately, I've been coming in contact with different people where we have short conversations about where we're headed (on campus), or thank-yous (for letting them use my grocery store card), or for any other reason that is currently slipping my mind. It sounds perfectly normal, but when they're around or after they leave, I get a sense that they were there for some specific reason.

Obviously, I am completely unaware of what that is, but that doesn't take away from the fact that I get that sense.

This is probably the most random post I've ever written, but I also felt as though I should document it (for the awful lack of memory that I possess).

Have you ever encountered someone and felt like there was a deeper purpose behind it?