Ever felt like life was trying to teach you a lesson? But you weren't quite getting it, so you kept getting hit with the same circumstance over and over again until you not only realize that you are indeed facing the same thing repeatedly, but you also ponder why on earth can't I get past this? Yea. That.
That is how I truly feel being unemployed. I get interviews. I progress to the next step. Then, the letdown. the sadness. the frustration. the self pity. the question: where are you God in all of this?
It took me a while to get here, but I've finally made it. And now I just wait. I wait on the Lord because I've come to the realization that He is my help. He is my provider. He created me and knew me from conception and if He is such an all-knowing God, He must know what my heart desires. I've got that part down. It's the patience and faith part that I am still working on.
I compare myself-- ourselves, Beau and I-- to other young married couples a lot (mostly bloggers, because honestly, I don't have a community of other young married couples here with me to compare ourselves to). But I compare us to them alot. Mostly in the sense that they have this nice thing, they have that nice thing, they get to go here, do this, do that... I compare us to them a lot and I often wonder, why don't we have this? The answer came to me while having my devotion one morning last week. The Lord lead me to read Hebrews 13:5 which states "Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." What a comforting promise and a stern reminder to stop the comparison game. I admit, it is something I do so often. Not just because I'm a nutcase and I like to compare myself to people that I don't know, but because I desire so much. I have such hopes and dreams for our home... for starting my career and working at a place that I love... and even more so, starting our family with a little bebe. I have. such. hope.
But there is obviously some lesson I am just not grasping during this waiting season. Maybe it's not having enough faith. Maybe it's being content with what I have. Whatever it is, I felt I got a little reminder when I read through Hebrews again for the umpteenth time since this waiting season began. Having faith and contentment is what stood out to me most when reading it this time around and I truly believe this is my repeated life lesson. When will I finally pass?