2015: Year in Review

I am not sure what it is about year's end that causes us to reflect, dream and plan. Maybe it's the idea of starting afresh. That start of a new year is a do-over of sorts. A year to finally get things in order. Maybe it is a sort of subconscious clock within our hearts, similar to that of the changing seasons, that there is a time in our lives for something new. I don't know what it is, but I think it is beautiful.


I remember entering 2015 on a bit of a sad and hopeless note. I did not know what they year had in store, and I was not expecting it to be great, since everything I seemed to have hoped and wished for in the last few years did not come to pass. It was not a matter of not trying. I guess those things were just not meant to be. I wish I could say that I have new dreams now, but I do not. I do not know what I want anymore, and frankly, I am kind of tired of trying. For the coming year, I think I will just keep my expectations at a minimum and see what comes from it.

All melancholy aside, 2015 has had some moments that have helped to shape and build me to the person that I am at this point. It has been full of first time experiences and character-building processes. The low times were not always low and the joyful times made my smiles big and my heart full. I am sure I will reflect back later in life and and think 'that wasn't so bad'.

2015 Happenings

27th birthday. what an awkward age! I guess it only gets more awkward from here)
Meeting my half-sister,Akelia, her husband and my niece. -- finally! we have been in contact on and off for about 10 years and I finally got to meet her. it was crazy seeing how many similarities we had.)
Weekend getaway at the Jersey shore -- it was so nice for us to get away. It helped to refresh us and take away some of the stress and tension that had been lingering. I think this is something we need to do more.
5 year college reunion. five years already! ... another reason why 27 feels so odd.
First car accident. major bummer! but no injuries and minor damages.
My brother-in-love's wedding in NY-- this was Beau's first time seeing his brothers and parents since our wedding in 2012!! It was also such a small and intimate ceremony/celebration. I really enjoyed it.
Expanded my photography -- I considered making it a business venture, but realized that the market is already saturated with really good photographers. So, I just enjoyed the opportunities that were offered to me. I was able to shoot a sweet 16, a wedding, a baby christening, and my dear blogger friend, LaNeshe, allowed me to hold a fall photo shoot of her and her adorable family.
Home furnishings. We are finally filling in the gaps in our home. This year, we paid off on our sofa, got a rug and a gorgeous wood TV/console table set. We even hung a painting in the dining room. Things are finally coming together. Little by little, we are filling the living room with pieces we love and I couldn't be more happy.
Our 3 year wedding anniversary. Beau and I saved up throughout the year and decided to go away for our anniversary in November. We flew down to Tampa, Fl and stayed there for couple days. We ventured out to the Clearwater/St. Petersburg area, walked the beach, drove through the cities, and enjoyed the warm air. It was a really nice stay for us. We are now thinking about possibly living in Florida in the future. The most special part of our anniversary trip was meeting up with Ashley from Ashley Holstein Photography and having a cheeky little anniversary photo shoot. The photos came out beautifully and I am so happy with them. This week was the highlight of 2015 for me!

Thank you for those who still check in every once in a while, even though my posts have been sparse. I look forward to sharing more of this journey with you all in the new year! 

♥ Jhan

A Weekend Getaway

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One of the perks of living in the Philadelphia area is that there are so many options for getting away from the hustle and bustle of city life. From a two-hour drive to the Pocono mountains to a less than two hour drive to the Jersey shore, there are many choices to getting away for even an overnight trip.

A couple weekends ago, Beau and I took off on an overnight trip to the Cape May/Wildwood NJ area. We stayed at a quaint little Bed & Breakfast (The Sea Gypsy) in Wildwood where we got to meet and chat with another couple at breakfast. We rode bikes together around the area, walked the boardwalk, and ate at a local diner. (Sidenote: I love diners, and am partial to ones in New Jersey.  Late nights at a college in North Jersey did that for me.) The next day we ventured off to Cape May. We ate expensive ice cream, bought a ton of salt-water taffies, photographed the bay and walked the beach, where we spotted some dolphins not too far away.

Sometimes we need a little break from the cares of life. And as young couple, we often need the time to clear our minds and regroup.

Our Christmas

This Christmas,  Beau and I spent at home together; just the two of us. We've been doing it for the past 2 years.  I admit that I often wish for a huge family celebrating that comes with much anticipation and preparation and reuniting with distant cousin, aunties, nephews, etc. However, we do not have large extended families, and we are okay with that. I prepared breakfast, and Beau cooked us a feast for dinner. (His teriyaki glazed turkey wings were delish!)

One thing I really enjoyed doing this year was wrapping gifts. I could not get enough of it. I've taken a liking to simple kraft wrapping paper, with bakers or jute twine wrapped around it and a cardboard gift tag. I think it added a nice look to gifts and it was my personal touch, you know?

We look forward to building a family and starting traditions with them in the future. But for now, we enjoy the simplicity of the holidays  and enjoying our time together as a family of two.

I hope you guys had a wonderful Christmas!

Life Lately: Between a Rock & a Hard Place

So, this month has been pretty busy and I haven't had much time to sit down and write for this blog. But I could not let the month pass without submitting at least one post, so here goes...

▲ July was a very eventful month. It included my mom and Beau's birthdays, a well-needed staycation from work, a wedding, and a kayaking day trip. It was a month of renewed friendship and increased joy between Beau and I. 

▲ Most of our activities occurred during the week of my staycation and it. was. lovely. The week off from work was well needed, as I have been working there for 8 months now and haven't taken any time off. Also, the company that I work for has rolled out a new system that claims to make work 'more efficient', but has only caused more stress on our end. I mean serious hair-pulling, weight-losing stress! I pull through, though. Knowing that it's only for a couple of hours every day and when I leave to go home, I am able to take a break from it all. 

▲ I submitted my 500th job application not too long ago and it really got me thinking: What am I REALLY doing wrong?! 500 applications submitted since March 2012 (2 months before completing graduate school)! What is really going on?! I started thinking that the academic and professionall skills that I have gained two years ago are kind of stale now (especially since I am not using them in my current position) and this huge gap makes me more and more unmarketable by the day. This led me to consider continuing my studies -- either a doctorate or a certificate degree program. Fun fact: I applied for a 12-week certificate program in Ireland in early April and got accepted not long after. I was elated because for the first time in a long time, I was not rejected for something I went after. I discussed it with Beau and he was willing to part-ways with me for the 3 months if it meant increasing my chances of employment in my field. I also sought opinion from other trusted individuals and they all said go for it as the benefits outweighed the risks. Days later after applying for a small loan, I was rejected... Once more, something I pursued wholeheartedly was shot down. Disappointed and discouraged don't even begin to explain how I felt. I literally feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place with this thing. I just don't understand it. Why me? Why am I stuck here? What is really going on?! But I continue pushing with the hopes that one day, it will all work out. 

▲ After facing that last rejection, I really started to question my life and my purpose here on this earth because I literally feel like a waste of breath and life: unable to accomplish anything. Stuck and useless.. I remembered listening to an interview with Misty Edwards where she spoke about her battle with illness and her struggle in determining the purpose of life. She wrote a book all about her findings called "What Is the Point?: Discovering Life's Deeper Meaning and Purpose". It is an easy read and has been helping me thus far. We spend so much of our lives focused on obtaining this great thing, but as Misty Edwards wrote

"Everything in life is on a quick fade... Men love you one minute and ridicule you the next. One year you're cool, and the next you're outdated and old. One season you are successful, and the next you are a failure. This is true in finances, relationships, ministry, impact influence... We cannot anchor our desire for meaning in these things, because it would be like chasing the wind..."

Boy, did I need that reminder! I feel a little better now knowing this, but I still feel unsuccessful at times. I am currently praying for strength and added faith.  

Love and Marriage

Life with Beau on this side of marriage (i.e. after the first year) gets increasingly sweet. Not because of some secret formula, but because of the love we have for one another and the effort to not only have an eros love, but to love like Christ loves us-- agape love. It is something I see Beau doing every single day (and he's really good at it too) and it's something I strive for to the best of my abilities. I admit that it is a bit difficult for me because I am selfish. Marriage taught me that. No seriously. As I listen to myself complain talk about all the things that are wrong, I realize that I worry about myself a lot. Like, a lot a lot.  But seeing how Beau steadily focuses on having his horizontal relationship correspond with his vertical one, I too would like to love like him.

And yes, there are days when we drive each other mad. Like, up the the wall crazy. Days where I don't feel like talking to him, and he's confused as to why we are not speaking. There are days when he annoys me and I frustrate him. We have those days.

But sometimes, in that same breath, we laugh hysterically at each others craziness and fall in love all over again... love on top of the love that was already there.

Because, marriage. 

ツ

Life, Lately

Hello dearest readers. It has been so long since I've submitted a proper blog post. A lot has been going on in my little life lately, and yet, it actually hasn't been much-- just much of the same. Here's a synopsis:

Work. Although part-time, I've been working a lot lately.Tiredness comes upon me very easily these days, and I can honestly say I now know how Beau feels when he says he's tired.  I don't think I've actually stated what this part time position is-- it's in banking. A bank teller to be exact. A far cry from my love of all things science and medicine, but it's been interesting. I never knew I would love interacting with people so much. Working here was helped me to get over the fear and anxiety I feel around people I don't know. It has allowed me to speak up (loud) and with authority. It has also enabled me to help pay some of our expenses. There are some things that I dislike about it, but overall, it's good. We are still so very grateful for it.

Home. After DIYing our Autumn wreath a few months ago, I've been obsessed with creating more looks for each season. Beau got me another twig wreath and I can't wait to gather inspiration and design something lovely for the upcoming Spring and Summer months. I'm thinking pretty ribbons and bright flowers... I'm so excited! I am also excited about finally being able to furnish our home-- primarily the main living space. I have fallen in love with all things West Elm, Wayfair and World Market so I am almost certain most of our things (especially the wooden furniture) will come from there.

Happenings. My birthday was lovely. Beau was sweet and planned a tiny surprises throughout the day like making breakfast before heading to work, cooking up dinner and sharing delicious cupcakes with me. He also gifted me a fancy DSLR camera, of which I am so thankful for as it is something I've wanted for a while. I know this kind of gift was something way out of our budget, so I truly appreciate his sacrifice.

I seemingly caught a severe case of baby fever. So much so, that my eyes well up with tears when someone excitedly mentions that they're having a baby (as a customer did last week). This occurrence is as sad as it is strange. I don't know why I feel this way. I've had a talk with the hubs about it and just having children in general and we've both come to the conclusion that we're not ready (i.e. There is still more growing that we need to do individually and as a couple. And really, we don't have the finances to support a kid right now), but the yearning is still there. Oh, and it. is. fierce.

Marriage. After one year of marriage... We are considering seeking counsel and are honestly not ashamed of it. Nothing is seriously wrong for the most part, but we are often reminded that we have absolutely no clue what we're doing as married folk sometimes, and we could really use some guidance from someone who has been married for a while. I see this being a tremendous help and very beneficial for the health and growth of our marriage.

Blogging. Lastly, it's obvious that my posts have been infrequent the last couple months. I sometimes contemplate whether I want to continue blogging. The answer is gathered within a few seconds of that thought with a resounding "YES!". I've also contemplated continuing blogging, but making it private. Like, really private. Like, for my eyes only private, but there's no fun in that. So, I've decided to continue. I love this outlet so much. I love sharing-- the good and the bad. I love the honesty. I love the connections. But most of all, I love realizing the growth. So, I'll be around for a little while longer. As I move from student, to (job-seeking) housewife to employee, I hope to keep up with the posts. If nothing at all, I'll try to blog with intent and hope you'll stick around.

I sincerely pray you are all doing well and are in good health. ♥

One Year Married

As we approached November, I could not believe how quickly this year progressed. Wow! And here it is, November 24th, one full year since my sweet Beau and I said committed our lives to each other before our family and friends. It has been one crazy year. Many bloggers  post about how sweet and incredibly amazing their first year of marriage has been. I have to be honest and say that it has definitely been a long ways from crying the day we came back from our honeymoon. (It wasn't anything bad. haha. It was just a complete shock to my system... I suppose.)

I can boast about our first year being rather sweet and amazing, too, though. This was such a growing process for myself (and Beau, I'm sure). I learned so many great things about Beau that I never knew while dating or engaged. Like, how he would have been a Philosophy/English major in college had he not pursued a degree in architecture. I have also learned how one of his deciding factors in marrying me was the fact that I made "bangin' ackee and saltfish"- a traditional Jamaican dish. But on a more serious note, I learned how hard-working he is and how committed he is to making me happy. I have also learned how incredibly calm and placid he is. I think that is my favorite trait about him, to date, although it drove me nuts in the beginning. Most of all, I loved that he loves me HARD. That is something that I have been lacking in my life. It was something I needed. I never really asked of it from him, but he gave it to me, full and big. This has been the most rewarding part of our marriage for me. Someone who loves me wholeheartedly, even in the midst of my complaining and less-than lovable times.  

This year has truly been amazing. We faced some difficult times, but through those times, we were able to see the hand of God working out those tough situations for us.

I am so incredibly happy I get to share life with my sweet Ansel. I look forward to many more years of learning, growing and loving with him!

Open Doors

God has opened up a door of employment for me and I am so very grateful. Beau and I are grateful. The job is no where close to my field of study and it's only part-time, but the extra income will help us greatly. When I was offered the position and began submitting paper work and prepping for orientation, it all felt like a dream. Maybe not a dream, but I struggle to find the words to even explain how it felt. I have gone almost two years searching for employment-- 360+ applications submitted  in my field (this is not an exaggeration. I keep track of all of my applications in an Excel Spreadsheet) and countless others not in my field and nothing came from any of it except several interviews here and there. I am entering into my second week of training for this position today and the fog is starting to lift. You guys don't even know what this means for us. We've never struggled to pay mortgage/bills, neither were we ever in need of anything, but it surely got discouraging not having extra money for other important things or even to spend on just a day out sometimes. I truly know that the Lord's hand is in all of this. Many may wonder why God would do such a thing to those He love, but I am beginning to learn why. His ways are past understanding (Romans 11:33). This time has been difficult for Beau and I, but we stuck it out, and God brought us through. 

I am still looking for work in my field. But who knows where this position will take me? Never in my life would I see myself in this position. I am sure that the lessons I will learn from there will be invaluable to me in the future. 

photo via

Pleased to Cook or Cook to Please?

 

Ever felt like you've lost some of your capabilities after getting married? I do!

I am the observant type. I learned how to cook by watching my mom and older sister in the kitchen. The gist of preparing Jamaican cuisine is all the same: season very well, brown (sear) meats, and finish off with a cup or two of water and allow to simmer. Of course, that is just for cooking meats, but the methods for preparing other dishes also followed a pattern that was easy to remember.

My favorite thing to cook for the longest time was pan-seared pork chops. Yes, ma'am! That was my specialty. During college, I was on a pasta kick, and I still am. I really loved making pasta with bolognese sauce (something about big meatballs turns me off, so I prefer meat sauce with smaller chunks of meat). Then, I tried my hand at making alfredo sauce from scratch and fell. in. love. Shrimp fettucine alfredo is my favorite to make. I love it, and Beau loves it too. It was the first meal I've ever prepared for him.

Since that meal was a hit with Beau, I never really feared preparing meals for him (on occasion)... until we got married. I mean, I don't even know what got into me. But a crazy desire to be spontaneous, unique and fun came over me and I started trying new things in the kitchen, only to hate the taste of it when dinner time came around. Not complete kitchen disasters per se, but substandard flavors, for lack of a better term. I am not sure if he was being polite, but Beau liked those meals. I, on the other hand, was not impressed. I couldn't quite figure out what was wrong with my cooking, until Beau pointed it out-- I was cooking only to try and please him. I can't even explain what that entails. But if I must try, I will say that I tried to be fancy with different sauces and things and I also tried really hard to not make things salty. Now, don't get me wrong. There is absolutely nothing wrong with cooking to please your spouse, but when it causes you to mess up completely, it's not worth it.

The thing is, Beau liked the way I cooked before we got married. I cooked with no frills or tricks up my sleeve-- just using the skills I learned while observing my mom and sister in the kitchen. I have recently gone back to cooking that way I used to and it is so much better.

Baking? That's a different ballgame. I suck at it.
 -- Exhibit A: my chocolate chip muffin muffin-shaped bread baked from scratch

Do you cook to please others (spouse, family, friends) or do you cook to meet your standards?

Counted Blessings

You know the small things that occur in life that beckons you to count your blessings? Yea, I have had many of those recently.

When beau and I agreed to get married last November, we did it in spite of my joblessness. We knew that it would come with him being the sole provider for our household for an indefinite time period. He gladly took on the responsibilities and have done extremely well manning all of the expenses and have not complained yet. More recently, however, our expenses have gotten a bit more burdensome on him. Again, he still doesn't complain, but fervently exclaims that it is the goodness of God that has kept us throughout the months.

So, with that we are truly grateful knowing that the Lord is our Jehovah Jireh. We are not without food. All of our expenses are getting paid. We are still able to support funds for transportation. And, we are not in need of anything. We even have opportunities for sporadic date nights (gotta love Groupon, Living Social, and Eversave Philadelphia).

... And because of that, we count our blessings.

Celebration Planner

I can truly say that event planning is just not my forte. I already feel really bad for my future kids. Beau's birthday is coming up this week. I have a few ideas of what I would like to do for him on our super small budget, but it's shaping up to be a little more challenging than I expected.

Sure, in a Pinterest generation, it is much easier to gather ideas and inspiration for planning any event. And, sure... I planned my wedding in about 2 months time.  But that means nothing when planning for others. 

Whatever happens, I say --- Awesome birthday surprise or bust!  I have a feeling he will really enjoy it regardless and that's what makes him the sweetest. 

//photo via

6 Months Married!

No one really counts the months, but I do. 

I would count the days, hours and minutes too if my mind could commit to it. 

6 months ago, I said "I do", and I'm so glad that I did.

Life with Beau is so sweet. He's so loving, kind and hard-working. 

Beau doesn't consider months to have significance in comparison to years, but I count them all. Every day is a gift. A new learning experience. A new life experience. I cherish it. 

I planned a tiny surprise for him today. I couldn't decide between cupcakes or a donut (tower) cake. I opted for the latter (since I know he has plans to bake carrot cupcakes this weekend) and added sparkler candles. I also got a little card...
It's the small things.
ツ

Happy holiday weekend, everyone! 

Enjoy your barbecues and time off!

Married Friends

It recently came to my attention that beau has two good friends to discuss all marriage-related things with. I -- have zero. His one friend lives in the city and they meet up for lunch and chit chats during the workweek. His other friend from college also speaks with him on occasion. Both friends have gotten married within the last year, so it is an amazing outlet for him.

It never bothered me before, but now that I think about it, it would be nice to have someone to speak with from time to time. More specifically, someone in my age bracket.

There are very few people who I call friend-- who I would feel comfortable enough to share intimate details with. (That's the way it should be, right?) But none of them are married. 

It’s funny how I didn't feel the need for a married friend until recently. I have learned from early on not to share anything with others outside of my marriage. Wanting a married friend is for fellowship and not relationship bashing... Sharing similarities, general conflict resolutions and my feelings of short-comings, and even gaining suggestions on how handle certain issues that arise. That is why my unmarried friends will not suffice.

I pray that I am able to find a friend soon. Where? When? I have no clue.

All you married folk, do you have at least one married friend to fellowship with? If not? Do you desire one? 

Life Lately

Married Life.

Marriage is great. Although it doesn't out-right feel like it, there is still an adjustment taking place. We are still learning each other and trying to communicate effectively. All of that may take some time, but it’s all good. I am still learning from Beau. Some of the same lessons are being thrown at me over and over again, but it’s just that we think differently. I am a worry-wart. He’s the calm one. I am almost always reminded of this. One day it will stick.

Gym.

I got a gym membership. In a way, I felt guilty for wanting it because beau has so much on his plate financially. But the home bodyweight exercises (via BodyRockTV and AmandaRussell) were not working for me anymore. I kept losing motivation -- especially when it got hard. And it was hard for me to keep up. I have been pretty diligent with the gym since the membership was confirmed. I would feel awful if I let our money go to waste, especially since we could really use every bit we have. I started doing the Run5k program -- for the umpteenth time and I've finally made it to week 2! I’m not really trying to run a real 5k, I am just trying to have a healthy heart and work towards something that I have never been able to do before. I hope I am able to stick with it. I used to fear running on the treadmill, but it’s not half bad.

Meal Plans.

I tried creating a meal plan this week, and I love it. This week we can forgo this dialogue beau and I have constantly :

Me: I don’t know what to make for dinner tomorrow. Any suggestions?

Beau: No. Whatever you make, I’m sure it will be good.

That is never the response I want, but it is always the one I get. Here’s to having none of that this week, or ever if I continue with making meal plans!

Photographs.

I have been more and more unimpressed with my photographs lately. Not that they were ever like photojournalistic quality-- or ever will be-- but they’re just so lackluster. I have a wonderful wishlist of fancy DSLRs I would like to have… one day.

Job Hunting.

Same ol’.  Same ol’. As I approach the one year mark of graduating with my Master’s degree, I have a mix of emotions concerning this whole unemployment bit I had to face. It’s bittersweet. I am currently allowing it to be sweet because I’m sure that once I begin working full-time, I will be begging for a day, or month off. I also try not to worry, because I know it will come just like it did for Syd. I too felt like all the jobs I have applied for were being karate-blocked (no, seriously-- that is the perfect description), but I have faith.

The Weekend.

We don’t have any set-in-stone plans for the weekend. There will be a street fair on Broad Street on Saturday, and it’s also the weekend for Penn Relays. Penn Relays is something I have always wanted to experience. Track & field is something Jamaicans excel at, and our people are always out at Penn Relays in good numbers, but I don’t think this will be my year to attend. We may keep it low-key this weekend and just rest.

Enjoy your weekend, everyone! 

A New Appreciation for Weekends

Around this time last year, I expressed my sincerest appreciation for weekends as a relief from the stressfulness of grad school. This year, I have a new appreciation for weekends, and it comes in the form of a husband who loves food and enjoys being in the kitchen. Yes! Beau is a 'foodie' and has taken on the wonderful responsibility of preparing Sunday (and general weekend) dinners for us. 

This is all such a relief. I usually prepare meals throughout the week, so to have Beau volunteer to accept the baton for meal preparation on the weekends, gives me a well appreciated break from the kitchen. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy cooking for us, but being in the kitchen does not give me as much joy as it would a person who genuinely loves to cook. I have to admit though, I think beau is trying to fatten me up (what with his cheesy baked mac & cheese and melt in your mouth crock pot chicken), but I can't complain... especially when he also volunteers to do the dishes. 

**swoon. faint**

This is love.

Adjusting

Sunday, February 24th, marked 3 months since beau and I said "I do" and committed our whole lives to each other. It feels a little longer, but time often makes us feel that way.

Marriage life has been lovely thus far. Here’s how we have been adjusting to:

Being in each other’s space/presence. Beau and I have been in a long-distance since we started courting in 2009. I was a junior in a college in New Jersey at the time. Graduated Spring 2010. Then attended grad school in Connecticut from Fall 2010 to Spring 2012. The most time we’ve spent together in each other's presence either consisted of weekend visits to my school on occasion or week-long vacations at his parent's home in Georgia. Although this was the case, we currently are not facing any challenges where being in other’s space is involved. Beau works a normal 40-hour work week while I am home during the days, so that gives us more than enough time to be out of each other’s hair. When we are both home at the same time, we still have a balance between the amount of time spent together. Which brings me to my next point…

Spending time together. As I have stated before, beau and I are apart for a considerable amount of time during the workweek, and so obviously much time is not spent together during that time. When he’s home, most of our time time together is spent during dinner. We aim to eat dinner together every day, even if that means I have to eat at undesirable hours (read: really, really close to bed-time) because he was working late or fasting during the day to deliver a sermon/teaching at church. We have also been trying to spend more time doing things together on weekends. This is a bit of a challenge for the both of us, because I am a loner through and through. It is very easy for us to find ourselves at separate corners of the house on a Saturday doing our own thing. And there are often times when beau comes home from work and I don’t have much to say to him, neither do I desire to say much. This was especially true during the first few weeks to a month after our wedding/honeymoon. I am just so used to being alone from my childhood to even now, that I am accustomed to being by myself with no one to talk to and I am perfectly fine with it. More recently however, doing this drives me mad. This is the push I needed to be more interactive. Beau and I have also discussed “unplugging” on weekends in hopes of spending more time together. Hopefully we’ll try that soon.

Communicating. In terms of sharing our thoughts and ideas on trivial subject matters, beau and I could get shiny award stickers for a job well done. We talk about our days and things that interest us with ease. I also find  that I am able to speak with him about issues that affect me with ease, as I have always been able to do because I trust him and his judgment. Sometimes it takes a while for me to get the thoughts and words out, but I am never terrified of discussing serious matters with him. Our hiccups in communication therefore lies in explanations and understandings. This was the most frustrating thing for me while we were dating and even now. I would explain something in what I thought were the simplest of terms, but he would not understand what I was saying. And for beau, he would explain something to me and his explanation would not make sense. Not for lack of understanding the words, but for lack of understanding or agreeing with the concept. Those are the two major issues we face in our marriage. Well, that and talking about issues that beset us sooner rather than waiting until we feel we’re ready to talk about them. We are learning.

External hardships. I keep hearing from others, ad nauseum, that we will face many hardships. We already know that and have faced many hardships up to our wedding day and even after. Not that we’re “Super Couple” and are able to ‘fight off hardships’, but I think we have just learned to expect them and battle them with grace and humility. Through our marriage, I am learning a lot about handling situations with grace and humility through beau.  I have only recently expressed this to beau, but I really and truly have observed his ways and am taking note. I usually freak out about things. I worry often. I cry lots. I. freak. out. But beau? He is like a gentle soul. I used to look at him and think that he must have some sort of bottled up frustration under all his meekness (and I am sure he does at times), but he doesn’t let it show. Neither does he harp on hardships or problems. He’ll sigh as loud as possible. He’ll have a furrowed brow or will have a discontented disposition about him. He’ll even make up a song about the problem and sing it for 5 minutes straight. But, I have never seen him complain, or worry, or … freak out. I am learning.

 Our overall relationship. Life as a newlywed is not all that it’s cracked up to be in mainstream. It is frustrating. It takes work.  But isn’t everything in life worth having? I have gone through a mixed-bag of emotions since saying “I do”. I found an article while browsing the interwebs one day, and it seriously made me feel better knowing that nothing is wrong with me for feeling the way I felt sometimes during these last 3 months. It was just a shock-to my system, for lack of a better term. But I got jolted back to reality and realized that marriage is such a beautiful thing. You get to share your all of your firsts with this person during this time period. Your first holiday. Your first achievement. Your first disappointment. Your first roadtrip. Your first hmm hmm (haha - yes, we waited until marriage to do this as well). You get to share a life with your best friend. Someone who truly loves and honors you, wants the best for you and puts your needs ahead of their own at all times. Beau is such a God-loving, God-fearing man. I love him for it. Our marriage was meant to be. I was meant to learn from it. I was meant to be broken down and built into a stronger person from it. I am learning and adjusting quite well.

Life of a Newlywed/Housewife?

The other day, my good friend suggested that I start a Youtube vlog channel documenting what my life is like as a newlywed and housewife. 'Ha!', I thought. Although I am an avid Youtube watcher, I do not see myself making videos, as I am scared out of my wits of putting myself out there. Crazy, I know... since I kind of put myself out there on this blog, but Youtube is a whole 'nother ball game. That conversation ended with a sharp 'no', but I have thought about it since and decided on documenting things via my blog.

Although I don't quite consider myself a housewife, just a wife who is home most (read: all) of the time, there are some things I can share in regards to general life as a newlywed, home-decor, learning how to interact with my beau and things in-between. Seriously, I know that it seems like I am already doing that, but I am not. I often share generic parts of my life with beau: dinners, outings, etc. You know, the surface stuff.

This will be a great undertaking since this will be something personal to both beau and I. However, I have learned quite a bit about being a wife over the past 3 months, and it is obvious that there is still more to learn. Lots to experience. Once again, I hope these posts that I share are relatable to my readers and visitors. I hope you find inspiration in them. I hope you feel free to share some advice and tips, as well. This is all a learning process, as life generally is.

Post-Marriage Expectations

I think Kendi said it best when she stated: "People think that when you get married and move to a small town you should get pregnant... I started a blog. (It's a girl)."

After the wedding night, it is expected that there will be a bun in the oven and the cycle of life and post-marriage expectations rolls on.  Beau and I did not plan it that way.

We have dated for 3 years before we said "I do" back in November, and have just come to know (archaic) each other after our wedding day.  

In essence, we are young. We want to get to know each other more, travel a little bit and enjoy a couple years with just the two of us before introducing another human being into our lives.

Besides, I don't think any young couple in their right minds would say to themselves: Alright, we have purchased a house and got married within a few months. How else can we spend a large sum of money in a short amount of time? Oh, I know! Let's have babies!

That's just. not. wise.

I haven't even begun a professional career yet! Life is just beginning for me. 

Baby will come, but we're not planning for one any time soon.

photo via