Question 4

{source}

Why do I like {running away from my problems} more than I like {facing them}?

I contemplated doing away with this blog series because the questions were becoming difficult to answer. This is just a prime example of one of my personal characteristics, and the subject of this post-- running away from difficult situations.
I guess to answer the question:

1. I am not a fan of confrontation. Then again, who really is (unless they're drama seekers)?
   
2. I hate making decisions. Especially the hard ones. I don't even like deciding what to have for lunch on most days.
   
3. Lack of proper communication skills. I often trip up on ways to communicate my general disdain for something.
4. Fear... of failure, I guess.

To be completely forthright, in no way am I a wimp or a pushover. I have gone through way too much in my life to let that define me again. Lately, I have found that I get angry in problematic situations. This kind and meek young lady can surely be rude and poignant enough in speech to hurt someone. It is not something I am proud of, but it happens... and mostly, to the ones I love. I think anger has now become my solution to some of the problems I face. Not so much in every single problematic situation of my life (I would need to check into some kind of therapy if that were the case), but in those situations where I don't know how else to react.
Thankfully, I don't get violent, but I completely and utterly understand first hand that words can sting to the depths of your being and leave a scar for a lifetime. Before I started this trend of blowing up at my loved ones, I kept quiet about everything. Anything that bothered me was kept to myself. I don't recommend anyone doing this, as it is extremely self-destructing. Thinking about it now, I can surely say that this might be the start of my issue. Instead of defending myself in certain situations, I would just sit back and let whatever was said, be said. Once that phase passed and I got a little older and probably at my breaking point, I exploded. Anything said to me that was seen as problematic from my point of view received a quick, but thorough retort. As my beau says, I am a "ticking time bomb". From my younger years until now, there was no real middle point for me. I went from one extreme (meek, quiet, docile, etc.) to the next (angry, abrupt, etc) with maybe a slight glance at an in-between (calm, thoughtful problem solver).

I guess problem solving is a skill I will have to learn. I'm sure it's not too late.
~ No one person is perfect. This post was more of a self-realization medium for me. It has shed light on some things I need to work on in life, which is the point of the article in which this concept is taken from. I am still very much a work in progress. This blog is my outlet. ~

Weekend Recap

With a little company, I got up and out this weekend. It felt good not to be cooped up inside alone. Now, I feel refreshed and ready to take on the final weeks of the semester and boy am I excited for what is to follow the next three weeks. Stay tuned, I will discuss it in a later post.

I went hiking at the Sleeping Giant State Park on Friday. Out of fear of exhaustion, "itchy-leg syndrome", rain, and me being... me, I almost didn't go. But I'm glad that I did. I made it to the top this time and I finally got to see the castle everyone talks about! You can see a pic from my attempted hike a few months ago here .

Such a great view of New Haven and what I suppose is the Long Island Sound.

It was such a cloudy day. I played with the coloring of the photos which is why I look iridescent here.

I made homemade- sweet potato fries for the first time. They were yummy. (I may or may not have been too uninspired to take any pics of the final product... but it really was good).

I also went to church on Easter Sunday. I still have the words "He is risen, indeed" on my tongue. I flat ironed my hair for the first time in almost 3 months. I was quite satisfied with the results. My hair has grown a lot since I decided to transition to natural and cut out visits to the salon.

And that was my weekend! I am really glad with how it went. I honestly feel rejuvenated... or maybe I'm just in a good mood today. Either way, I'm smiling again.

ツ

"I Will Wait For You"

"I Will Wait For You" by Janette...ikZ

This is a spoken word piece that I found randomly on youtube. It speaks for itself, so there is no need for me to even say much about it. I will say though, that it made me think about things from my past, and it made me grateful for where I am right now.

My favorite part:

“…Ready to sell my aorta for a quarter not knowing the value of its use to me
Arteries so clogged with my will, it blocked His will from flowing through me
So I thank Christ that His blood pressure gave this heart an attack that
Flat lined my obscure vision
Put me flat on my back
Through my ignorance He saw
So through my sternum He sawed
and cracked open my chest to transplant Psalm 51:10
A new heart and a renewed right spirit within me.
So now I fully understand
Better yet, I thoroughly comprehend
How much I need to wait for you….”

Spring Has Finally Sprung

Although southern Connecticut is only about 200 miles north of Philadelphia, I couldn't help but think that the weather pattern here will be a little different than it is there. After all, there was about 3+ feet of snow on the ground here when I returned from winter break. When I left home, I was able to see the grass, but there were hardly any visible sidewalks here. So, when mid-April rolled around and I had not spotted any flowers, or budding leaves on the trees, I accepted the fact that this might not happen until early May. Every day, I looked at the trees wondering when I would see a spot of green, and FINALLY, it's here! It's funny how one day, they are completely bare, and the next... they are covered in little specks of greenery. In another day or so, they may become fully flourished in big Norway Maple, oak or birch leaves! I can't wait.

We have also had some wonderfully noisy birds using the little shaded area in front of my kitchen window as their rest area for the last two weeks now. With the blinds closed and my camera in hand, I was able to snap some pics without startling them. They are quite beautiful. Like the nerd I am, I googled 'birds in Connecticut by color' to figure out what species they were. This nifty little website led me to the conclusion that they are the Common Rosefinch. I even matched their calls (from what I hear on a daily basis) to the recording online and I am absolutely positive that it is the rosefinch.

Stuck!

[Photo taken circa 2007]

I wrote this post a few days ago, and after writing it, I not only felt relieved from all emotions taking over my life, but I also felt that it was too private to post for everyone to read. Today, I'm thinking...Así es la vida or... C'est la vie.

My smile is slowly fading.

I feel like I am stuck in a bubble. This metaphorical bubble is my apartment. Counting the 4 hours that I may spend in my laboratory class on Thursdays, the 2 hours of church on Sundays, and the 2 hours of Bible study on Tuesday evenings, I only spend on average, 8 hours total out of my apartment. Eight hours of the 168 hours in a week! That is 95% of my week. It's pretty sad if you ask me... but it just all goes back to how much I haven't adjusted to living here at all.

Yes, I have found acquaintances from my neuro class last semester to hang out with on occasion. Yes, I have also found so much love at my new church home, but it's not enough. I think I'm leading an unhealthy lifestyle. This is the kind of experience that drives someone mad.

I no longer want to get lost in boring, repetitive and uneventful weeks. I think I have used my apartment as a hiding place for too long now (7 months, to be exact). As the semester winds down and I think on some things, I realize that I may be my own worst enemy, threat, or any other synonym you would like to throw in there. Yea, it's hard to make friends in a program where over 50% of the students have full time jobs and families of their own, but I have found some good people. I am just too stuck in my old ways to want to hang out with them often, or do fun things. I blame my lack of inactivity on money restrictions and having no true friends here to do anything with, but truth is, maybe if I had gone out more (to the library, or a park, or something) I could be a little happier.

Luckily, there are only 3.5 weeks left in the semester. In due time, I will get to go home and interact like a normal civilian. I will also take some time to think about how I can improve my overall quality of life for the last year of my Master's program.

"The secret of happiness is freedom and the secret of freedom is courage."
~Thucydides~

Valentino

"Valentino" by Diane Birch

I think this is such a cool video. I was impressed with the overall continuity of it. Below, I've also posted the Behind the Scenes video, which is just as awesome to see how everything as filmed.

Because I know you'll be even more curious, I've also thrown in the split screen of both videos.

I'm a Supporting Blogger!

Right after posting about the GAP Study a few weeks ago, I decided, to just take the pledge to become an Army of Women supporting blogger. After all, I support their mission 100% and if I am persistent enough to ask my facebook friends to join their mission (every few months or so), then why not promote it on my blog as well?

Breast cancer awareness has been a passion of mine for a few years now. Breast cancer is a disease that weakens and defeats mothers, wives, sisters, etc., but with all the research being done and early detection screenings, it is possible to fight it. The Love/Avon Army of Women (AOW) would like to recruit 1 million women (i.e. women who are healthy, have been diagnosed with breast cancer, breast cancer survivors, women of all ages and ethnic backgrounds, etc) to participate in any breast-cancer related study. Signing up is free, and you won't be bothered with hundreds of emails... just an average of one per month giving an update about the current studies, who is needed an any progress AOW has made.

As a supporting blogger, I will be posting blogs every once in a while informing my readers of any new studies that are being conducted. I will also try to recruit new women to sign up. I have also installed the Army of Women Widget on the left. This widget is frequently updated with any new studies or news from AOW.

If you haven't signed up yet, please do so today.

Here is a link to their website: http://www.armyofwomen.org/
Facebook page
Youtube page
Twitter


[Source]

Darling, I Don't Know How To Tell You This...

Taken from "(500) Days of Summer"

Just so this doesn't come off as offensive to anyone: this is the scene where Summer and Tom were shopping in IKEA and pretended that it was their house. They joked around about the TV not working in "their living room", the sink not working in "their kitchen". After having a "home-cooked meal", they scurried off to "their bedroom".
I always lol at this part! (Yes, I use 'lol' as a verb-- pronounced "luhl")

I Enjoy Blogging

Finally! I have a response to the commonly asked question: "So, what do you do for fun?" or "what are your hobbies?". I hated getting asked those question when meeting new people (especially guys--pre my beau, of course), because I never had an answer.

[Sidenote: As I child and throughout my teenage years, I did not go out much, and was very much a 'house potato'. Not because I was lazy, but because that is how I grew up... sheltered and shy. I never really went anywhere except school, home, and church... for the most part. These days, my mom STILL pushes me to go out and do something. If I was home for one full day, she will either try to convince me to go somewhere with a friend, or she will ask me to run and errand for her. That way, it would be a win:win situation for herself and my sanity... I guess.]

These days, I can proudly say that blogging IS my hobby. It's what makes me tick. Blogging is something I look forward to, unlike many other daily tasks. Not just writing blogs, but reading them as well. Learning about other people from all over the world, relating with what others have experienced, and getting great fashion ideas from IFBs.

[Sidenote #2: I love my readers.... regardless of how few. From the faithful friends (Malinda and Aja) and my beau from back home in Philadelphia, to Magda in Canada, Didi in Ghana, Shareena in Finland, and the other random visitors that stop by from various other countries around the world. I am amazed to see the melting pot of visitors I have had come to my site).

Map of recent visitors

I enjoy blogging and would love to blog more often, especially since I have more time on my hands than the average graduate student (during this particular semester). I am thinking of developing my own weekly features that I could adhere to. I tried adapting "10 things I learnt this weekend", "Things I Love Thursdays" and even considered "Awkward and Awesome Thursdays" and "Fill In The Blank Fridays", but I would like something more authentic; more... me. Something that I would look forward to doing every week. I may have to brainstorm about this some more.

Things I love Thursday

These cute little illustrations (and ramblings) from Vimrod....

Maybe we should ask Rebecca Black (sorry, I had to... haha)...



... and these are for my beau....



{Source 1} and {Source 2}

We Are Golden

-- This video makes absolutely no sense, but I love it.... and, I get a few giggles out of it. I was sitting here doing some homework and for some reason the lyrics:

"We are not what you think we are
We are golden! We are golden"

... were playing over and over in my head. So I HAD to listen to the song (and watch the video too, of course).

Watch! Who knows... you might giggle too! ツ

"We are Golden"-- Mika

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Meeee! ... I am! Well.... I did.

For a few months now, one of the women at church has been inviting me to do something with her. We went out to dinner at Friendly's in the Fall and it was good time for the both of us because she's much older and her husband has passed away and I just needed to get out and do something because I was new to this state and had no friends.

After several mentions of meeting up to go out to dinner again, going to a museum, or just meeting up for coffee (which I don't drink, by the way), she finally settled on inviting me over for dinner today. She also invited another lady, Christine, who is a new believer attending our church, and an old friend, Barbara. Dinner was surprisingly good... oven friend chicken, sweet potato, carrots & broccoli and pistachio cake for dessert. Yum!

{Source}

I found it very easy to communicate with all three women, despite the age difference (30+ years my senior). We each talked about how we came to know Christ, and I guess where we are in life. A lot of questions were directed to me such as "How is your boyfriend?"; "What are you studying in school?" "Oh, wow. What made you interested in oncology/cancer research?" I shared my story and told them about the progression of my interest in research and just wanting to work in the laboratory field. Donna, the woman who invited me for dinner, made mention that she was quite happy that I came to dinner because the Lord had spoken to her and said for her to invite me, so I was pretty happy. All my talk of science, research and illness then caused Christine to want to open up about her life. She is struggling with a disease that she's had for 19 years now, and she felt the need to share it with us. That prompted Barbara to also discuss a similar disease her husband faced. There was so much openness and sharing, coupled with testimonies of the goodness of God and the saving grace of Jesus Christ that it was just refreshing to be there among them. Christine was even more open about her family's struggles with different addictions and her desire to want to help them so badly, that it just brought about a prayer meeting.

We ended the night in prayer for everyone there. I am still ever grateful to have met such wonderful people at my church home in CT.

ツ

Que Sera, Sera

"Que Sera Sera" (live)
cover by Corinne Bailey Rae
John McCallum on vocals & guitar

Simply brilliant!

"I Could Never Pull That Off..."

That's what one of the younger girls at church said to me today, regarding my outfit.

Honestly, I didn't believe I would be able to either (but they don't have to know that). ツ

P.S. Don't you just love your camera's self-timer?!