Question 4

{source}

Why do I like {running away from my problems} more than I like {facing them}?

I contemplated doing away with this blog series because the questions were becoming difficult to answer. This is just a prime example of one of my personal characteristics, and the subject of this post-- running away from difficult situations.
I guess to answer the question:

1. I am not a fan of confrontation. Then again, who really is (unless they're drama seekers)?
   
2. I hate making decisions. Especially the hard ones. I don't even like deciding what to have for lunch on most days.
   
3. Lack of proper communication skills. I often trip up on ways to communicate my general disdain for something.
4. Fear... of failure, I guess.

To be completely forthright, in no way am I a wimp or a pushover. I have gone through way too much in my life to let that define me again. Lately, I have found that I get angry in problematic situations. This kind and meek young lady can surely be rude and poignant enough in speech to hurt someone. It is not something I am proud of, but it happens... and mostly, to the ones I love. I think anger has now become my solution to some of the problems I face. Not so much in every single problematic situation of my life (I would need to check into some kind of therapy if that were the case), but in those situations where I don't know how else to react.
Thankfully, I don't get violent, but I completely and utterly understand first hand that words can sting to the depths of your being and leave a scar for a lifetime. Before I started this trend of blowing up at my loved ones, I kept quiet about everything. Anything that bothered me was kept to myself. I don't recommend anyone doing this, as it is extremely self-destructing. Thinking about it now, I can surely say that this might be the start of my issue. Instead of defending myself in certain situations, I would just sit back and let whatever was said, be said. Once that phase passed and I got a little older and probably at my breaking point, I exploded. Anything said to me that was seen as problematic from my point of view received a quick, but thorough retort. As my beau says, I am a "ticking time bomb". From my younger years until now, there was no real middle point for me. I went from one extreme (meek, quiet, docile, etc.) to the next (angry, abrupt, etc) with maybe a slight glance at an in-between (calm, thoughtful problem solver).

I guess problem solving is a skill I will have to learn. I'm sure it's not too late.
~ No one person is perfect. This post was more of a self-realization medium for me. It has shed light on some things I need to work on in life, which is the point of the article in which this concept is taken from. I am still very much a work in progress. This blog is my outlet. ~

Question 3

Why worry?

If anyone knows me and knows me well, they know that I am a 100% certified worry-wart.

I worry about my hair... my face... the way I talk... what I'm wearing... the way I look at any given time... What people think of me... What they might say... How I might get to a specific location... How I might do a certain task... Where I might end up in the future.

As the author of this 20 Questions article stated: "Worry(ing) is just painful, useless fear about hypothetical events". As I review those worries that often haunt me, I see that this is true. My worries mainly consists of things regarding my physical appearance. Maybe because I've had so many hurtful things said to me about my appearance throughout the years. Honestly, events like those I have experienced can really scar a person's life, as they have done to me. But you live and you learn to get over them.

It's funny that as I am writing this blog post, I got a text from a friend that says:

"She's beautiful without knowing it.
She's smart without gloating it.
She's funny without over doing it.
She's strong without forcing it/
She's amazing without seeing it.
She's the perfect friend and the perfect person but doesn't believe it.
Out of all the women in the world, she's the one I'm glad to know.
She's YOU."

... 'Nough said. I'm done with this post. There is absolutely nothing to worry about. I am just fine the way I am... made in God's image. Lesson learned. I actually think that was the point of this question.

[Source]

What reason do you have to not worry?

Question 2

[Source]

Is this what I want to be doing? [Source]

I ask myself this question quite often. Although my daily life mainly consists of grad school, I often wonder about the path that I chose. I guess the answer to this current question is... yes. At the moment, I don't see myself anywhere else. Sure, I wish certain things in my life were different. We all do in some manner or another... but I like where I am.

Graduate school is where I want to be. I can remember when I decided that this is what I wanted to do and not medical, nursing, or PA school as my mom and my educational advisers have suggested. I am not much of a people person. I can be, when I have grown used to someone, but that takes time. Constantly meeting new people in a healthcare setting would immediately give me anxiety. Besides, I absolutely like research, and even if I don't end up doing research right away after I complete this program, any position in a laboratory would suffice. I just LOVE the thrill of discovering things, and learning more about a certain subject.

That may be why I am such a Googler. Just give me a few key words about a certain subject/object and I will get results, no matter how small. I remember seeing a really cute top someone was wearing in a photograph, and I instantly hopped on Google, and began searching specific key phrases (mainly the bold features of the top). After a few word combinations, I was able to not only find an image of that specific tank top, but I was also able to find where it was sold and the retail price!!....

Now, if I can do that with Google only, how much more can I do with cells, proteins, DNA, or antibodies-- especially since there is so much research and information out there regarding each of them? Since I was a child, I knew I wanted to work in the healthcare industry to help better the lives of everyday people, just like my mother does as a nurse. That dream has not diminished, it has only been adjusted slightly. I doubt that I will be able to find a cure to cancer or any other deadly disease, because God is in control of the knowledge humans gain on Earth. I do, however, believe that I can make a difference in the future of medicine via vaccines or drug development, and that is EXACTLY what I want to do!

ツ

Question 1

What questions should I be asking myself?
"At first I thought asking yourself what you should be asking yourself was redundant. It isn't. Without this question, you wouldn't ask any others, so it gets top billing. It creates an alert, thoughtful mind state, ideal for ferreting out the information you most need in every situation. Ask it frequently." [Source]

• How do you feel about life?
• Are you content with the current path you're on?
• Why are you so lazy sometimes?
• Why are you often angry? Miserable? Such a loner?
• What are you going to do with a Master's in Biomedical Sciences?
• Why don't you just tell them that you really and truly do hate school and there's a really good chance that you will not pursue your PhD?
• What would REALLY make you happy?
• Are you sure that you want to marry him?
• What will it take to be "ready" for marriage?
• Will I just know?
  
• Are you sure about anything at all?
• How can you improve your relationships?
• Where do you see yourself 3 years from now?
  
• How can you find the answers to these questions?
• Why... have you put your Lord God on the back-burner?
  

20 Questions

[borrowed from Oprah]

No, not the cheesy game that many of us are familiar with. A suggested list of 20 questions every woman should ask herself. I was perusing through Oprah's site and stumbled upon this little article. I thought it would be a fun little activity for me to take part in for 2 reasons:

1. I often run low on blog topics until I spontaneously think of one
2. More seriously, I HATE being asked questions. I feel as though I never have an answer. Whenever I'm asked a question, it is as if my mind is scrambled and I can't think anymore. Actually, that IS what happens usually. I begin thinking in questions like "why did this person just ask me that?"... "How do I go about answering it?"... "Why haven't you answered the question yet, Jhan???" "What are they thinking as you're thinking?"... and the list of questions in my mind go on and on until it's all a scrambled mess and I end up forgetting the initial question.

I need to get over the fear of being questioned, so I am going to take this on as a blogging task similar to this one. Most of the questions seem very valuable in terms of helping me evaluate where I am in life currently and where I see myself in the future (this is actually a 3rd reason). So, let's get started.... in the next post, of course. ツ