Living In The Present

"Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering."

I've realized something recently -- that no matter how hard life gets and no matter how miserable it may seem at times, it gets better. I have spent the last four years hoping and wishing for so many things: my 'dream' job, comfort, joy-- that I almost missed the point and the process. Life is a journey. That means that we don't drive one full distance and some how land at our destinations. There are bumps in the road, and people who cut you off, and periods of rest, and even times when you roll the window down and sing at the top of your lungs in complete bliss.  It is not one straight, boring drive. So, sometimes when life seems rough, take time to regroup and find the good in the journey.

When taking stock of the last four years,  I see how much I have grown. I realize that those hard times passed. They passed! I am glad that I waited out those days and nights when I thought I could not go on any longer. I am glad that I did ride out the storm. Most of all, I am glad for days like today, when I can remember that all is well; I am still alive. And I can put this memory in my pocket for later down the road when life seems hard again. I can look back and say "Remember how you've made it through before? Hang on... smooth sailing/driving is ahead." 

Begin Again

For the past year or so, I have shied away from sharing much in this space. One reason being that there is nothing really new and exciting happening in my life at the moment. The other reason is that I have been utterly miserable and there is only so much sharing of displeasure one can give without being seen as a total Debbie Downer.

But, I do miss blogging. I miss sharing the small and great things. I miss sharing photographs, thoughts, and music. I miss it all. I want to begin again-- this time, without the fear of sounding redundant, seeming like a downer, or even worrying that my syntax is not strong enough for it. I want to get back to blogging because it tracked personal growth. Blogging brought me joy... it brought me peace.

I am going to begin again.

28.

Today is my 28th birthday, and I guess I don't really have many thoughts on the matter, but I what I do have, I will share them in this space.

I have to think twice about my age these days-- like, asking 4 year old how old they are and they hold up 2 or 3 fingers? -- yea, like that.

One thing I have noticed a change in is my physical appearance, mainly in my face. In comparison to old selfies (can't believe I just said that), I've noticed that my face has a mature look to it, though my eyes haven't changed much. 

I have noticed that I am a little more slow to anger, and much less likely to hold a grudge... neither of which were good for my well-being anyway. 

I have gained a bit of weight over the past year (much to my displeasure). I am in a weight bracket that I have never been in my life, but plan on not keeping it this way.

Sometimes, I look at pictures of other women on social media. They look all glammed-up and gorgeous and I end up feeling like a plain Jane. So, I have been on a matte-lipstick buying spree, and sometimes I throw on a bit of medium-coverage foundation. But I am still just a 2-coat mascara girl most days, and I guess I am okay with that. 

I think about motherhood a lot more lately, but not in the "broodish", "baby-feverish" way I did in the past. I think long and hard about how life would change, what kind of mother I would want to be, and how sometimes this whole parenting thing scares the crap out of me. However, I am glad that we are able to think through these thoughts before making that big leap. 

All in all, this has just been a year of self-observation and self-learning for me. I finally feel a little more grown-up. A little more in tune with who I am as a person.