September 19, 2015

Journaling + Sharing Some Thoughts


 I began 'journaling' around this time last year. It started as a means of recording some things that the Lord had revealed to me during my personal time of devotion: promises, truths, understanding, and revelation. I then started including some prayers and hopes for this life of mine and more recently, some of the frustrations I feel as I walk this Christian pathway. Within the pages are some DEEP cries of disappointments and questioning. Not really questioning who God is, but why He does things a certain way.

 I began reading the book of Ruth recently, and what captivated me in the first chapter was Naomi's name change. As a bit of background, Naomi was the mother-in-law of Ruth. She had moved (out of Israel) to a foreign country with her husband and sons who had also married the foreign women. Naomi's husband died and then a few years later, both of her sons also died leaving Naomi and her two daughter-in-laws widowed. Times were hard for widows in those times, so Naomi's response was pretty much relative to what our modern day response would be to such a tragedy: bitterness and questioning. She changed her name to "Mara", saying that it was because "the Lord has dealt bitterly with [her]". And if saying it once was not enough, she reiterated it again saying "I went out full and the Lord hath brought me home again empty... the Lord hath testified against me, and the Almighty has afflicted me" (Ruth 1:21).

 As I read these words that Naomi spoke, I completely empathized with her grief. Although our circumstances are obviously different, I often feel as though God has somehow chosen to make me miserable. Now, don't get me wrong. I wholly believe in God and His sovereignty. I believe that He owns everything upon this earth and I also believe that everything that happens, occurs because He allowed it to. With that being said, I have earnestly felt that the Lord has dealt treacherously with me these past three years. I have no idea why and I hate it so much. But the part that is so conflicting in all of this is my sheer belief in and love for this God, this father... the one, Jesus Christ has denied me of something I so earnestly desire. Many people often question the goodness of God when faced with tragedy and hardships, but theirs is with a bitter tongue. I do not doubt God, His sovereignty or His wisdom. I just want to know why.


  1. So open, thank you for sharing. It is so hard to understand why God allows bad things to happen to us. Why? is a common question, unfortunately we never know why sometimes, or don't get the answer for a long time.

  2. I can totally relate to your post. I have struggled with this a lot. Its hard sometimes to see why things happen to the people who have believed in His Word and accepting Him. All you can do is continue to be obedient and and study pray and ask God to show you the lesson in times like these. I love the book of Job. Its one of my favorites. But there is a message in there that so many miss. Its when things are going bad for Job and in each tragedy God saves 1 servant to come and be a messenger to Job of what has happened. There are 4 of them total. I can only imagine what that must have been like for them individually. Hold on to the hope that God has a purpose for your life and he is using you as a vessel to show others his grace and mercy. To show others His love as he brings you through all the things you are dealing with. Keep the Faith your time is coming.

    1. I've never noticed that before, Jean! Wow. Thanks for your encouraging words and for stopping by. :-)

    2. I've never noticed that before, Jean! Wow. Thanks for your encouraging words and for stopping by. :-)


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