Every once in a while, I get overtaken by unhappy feelings. The most recent was just a week ago, when I tweeted this statement. It seems like it deserved the hashtag of #morbidtweet, but not at the time. I thought it was clever and disclosed how I was feeling exactly at that moment in time.
You see, I go through bouts of sadness. Not so much depression, as I still wake up, get out of bed and do things during the day, but sadness. Sad that I wake up and do just about the same thing everyday. Sad that I feel stuck-- even though there is a high-probability of getting out of joblessness. Sad that after all these years of living, I still haven't found a way to be content with whatever my current state of life may be, contrary to what I stated in a previous post.
To be honest, I don't know how I feel sometimes. Sometimes, I am indeed content. Then, the green-eyed monster comes in and someone else's seemingly joyous life full of beauty, laughter, employment and deeper relationships with God makes me wish I had all of that too. Although, I do have most of it, in my own personal way.
Gahh. I seem to be writing in circles here. I just wanted to release a bit of what has been on my heart lately. (which may be the first step to dealing).
Emotions are funny. They are fleeting... transient. I guess that's why we have to focus on greater things in life.
And maybe... I should learn to swim -- figuratively and literally (as to not allow myself to drown).
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.