October 5, 2011

Wanted: Old Support System

Sometimes, I miss all the support I once had from friends.
I miss being able to tell them just about anything. 
About those times of excitement and terrifying times
(Like, junior year of college when I had a mini-breakdown during a 'Grey's Anatomy' commercial break. There was my friend ready to listen, pass me tissues and offer advice)
Lately, I just feel that I can't tell anyone much of anything,
For fear of being ridiculed or having details of my personal life spread abroad (and more often than not, the two go hand-in-hand)
Besides, who is there to tell?

With time, I've been learning that as I get older, the close friends of the past may not be the close friends of the future.
It is as if our lives and paths of friendship have bifurcated and they have become strangers.
And why would I want to share the most intimate parts of my life with strangers? 
Although, I have hear that this can be extremely therapeutic for some.
It just wouldn't be the same for me though, because they are not strangers. They know pieces of the 13, 16, and 20 year old me that no one else knows.
I guess that makes them strangers of the present me.
Maybe it's better this way. 
For fear of sounding ungrateful, I would like to mention that I have a great support system otherwise. My beau and my friend from high school are the greatest and most trustworthy people in my life right now. Not to mention a few of the women from my current church home in Connecticut. Maybe that's all I need right now, you know? But it sure does feel like I'm missing out on some...

This may take a little getting used to.

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