September 19, 2010

So Far...

Photo Credit: "Lonely Girl" by Costão do Santinho

This transition from home to a new state and a new town has not been easy. So far, I hate 2/3 of my classes. I haven't made any friends yet. And I hardly get to interact with people. I only have classes on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday evenings from 6:30 to 9:00 pm. My days consist of waking up. Having devotion. Eating. Then reading for classes and such. When I get bored, I watch movies or TV shows online. Sometimes my friend from home will call. Sometimes I talk to my bf on AIM during the day. But all of that only goes so far. Later in the afternoon, I'll cook dinner, then get ready for class. I go to class. Get talked at by my professors for 2.5 hours then I'm home again. It's so lonely at nighht, I don't want to go to sleep, hoping to avoid the monotony of waking up and going through the same cycle again.

I've always liked being "alone" or to myself, but I never knew that actually being alone could be THIS lonely.

My mom suggested transferring to a graduate school with a similar program closer to home, but I don't know if I want to do that. Towards the end of undergrad, I was at a point where I didn't know what I wanted to do post-graduation. My grades weren't spectacular enough to get into an MS/PhD program. I considered taking the easy route and applying to radiology programs. I still had dreams of actually getting a PhD and so I often searched for MS programs that I could apply to. One day I stumbled upon this Masters program at Quinnipiac University. I thought to myself that this could be a foot in the door opportunity for me so I applied. I prayed over the application, my transcript, the recommendations from my professors and sent it off. It was the ONLY graduate program that I applied to and I was accepted. For that reason, I believe that I'm here for a special purpose. God answered my prayers of getting into graduate school, but I also believe that I'm here to do his work or to learn a lesson. This is why I am so apprehensive about transferring.

There are people in my classes who I could connect with although most of them really are married with full time jobs and kids. One guy is a physician's assistant. He has been for 20 years. His profession suddenly requires having a Masters in Health Science and that's why he's at Quinnipiac. Others could be married b/c of cultural reasons (There are a lot of Middle Easterns in my classes), and some people just seem really old in general. All the others students who have just graduated undergrad this year all fly out of class when it's dismissed and there is no interaction there at all.

I found a church in the neighboring town, Cornerstone Church, to attend the first week I was here and have been going since. I really like the services and some of the people are really welcoming and really nice, but once again, I haven't made any connections. I understand that friendships take a while, but wow... this is taking a LONG while.

The only things I look forward to now are alumni weekend at Drew and Thanksgiving when I get to go home. I'm also applying to jobs and things to keep me occupied. I've tried finding a park or something to hang out in during the day, they've all been sketchy looking so far so I stay away from them, but I'm considering going on a nature trail at the Sleeping Giant State Park across the street from school one of these days. It would just be something to keep my mind occupied, b/c a person REALLY could go crazy depressed living like this....

...Ugh!I'm almost there. :-\

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